Thought Balloon

How inconvenient can you get, CRS?

2008-04-08T12:59:00.003+08:00

And get this:

"The UIS (a.k.a. CRS2) is accessible only within the DILNET between 7am and 6pm from 8 to 11 April 2008.

You may access the UIS from outside the DILNET between 6pm and 7am. "

"Pwedeng mag-Tagalog" - Paolo Bediones (host, Bb. Pilipinas 2008)

2008-03-12T12:34:00.009+08:00

Amidst the political hulabaloo in the country, people turn to showbiz for entertainment and relief. Be it the latest what-not in Gretchen Barretto's life (or album, for that matter), Anabelle Rama's current fight with Lolit Solis, and the pre-blow-by-blow of the upcoming Pacquiao-Marquez match, we Filipinos engorge the drama - we just love it.

Topping the current entertainment news - well, at least mine - is last weekend's Bb. Pilipinas. Millions of Filipinos watched the country's most prestigious beauty pageant, and unfortunately witnessed how a contestant fumbled with her words and made a complete fool out of herself. And how, you may ask? By trying soooooo hard to speak in English during the Q&A portion of the contest. Outrageous as it may seem, the girl actually won - she was crowned Bb. Pilipinas World 2008.

If this is not shameful, then I don't know what is.

One-liners

2008-02-17T22:52:00.003+08:00

Just when I thought how one of my teamates was such a genius for coming up with all those witty statuses in skype, he sends me this link:

http://www.vegard.net/about/one-liners.php

Thanks, xtian! ;)

"Remember to always be yourself. Unless you suck." - Joss Whedon

"..parang tunog violin ang boses mo." - Yumi

2008-02-01T20:50:00.001+08:00

Pebrero. Buwan ng mga puso at ng mga taong umiibig. Para sa mga in-love, gusto kong i-share ang one-act play na ito sa inyo. Nanalo ito ng Palanca Award 2nd place sa one-act category noong 2003. Minsan, pag cheesy-mode ako, binabasa ko to.

TWENTY QUESTIONS
Ni Juan Ekis

MGA TAUHAN
Jigs - Fresh grad. Kabarkada ni Yumi. Magtatrabaho bilangresearcher sa isang financial firm.
Yumi - Commercial Model. Kabarkada ni Jigs. 2 years aheadkay Jigs.

TAGPO
Gabi. Sa isang kwarto ng isang beach resort.
Naglalatag ng kumot si Jigs sa sahig habang inaayosni Yumi ang kanyang higaan.

YUMI Sige na, Jigs. Huwag ka nang magpaka-gentle man.Naaawa ako sa? yo e.Tabi na tayo sa kama.
JIGS Hindi, okay lang ako dito.
YUMI Huwag ka nang maarte. As if naman re-rapin kita no.Malaki naman itong kama e.
Hatiin na lang natin sa gitna.
JIGS Sure ka?
YUMI Hindi mo naman siguro ako mamanyakin no?
JIGS (Matatawa) Okay ka lang?
YUMI Kung gusto mo, gamitin na lang natin iyang kumotna divider.
JIGS Good idea.
Isasampay nila ang kumot mula sa kisame para mahatiang kama sa gitna. Magsesettle down ang dalawa.Ilalabas ni Jigs ang libro niya:"Puppy Love and other Stories" ni F. Sionil Jose.
Si Yumi naman ay magpapatugtog ng Japanese Zen Musichabang nagsa-zazen.
YUMI Do you mind?
JIGS No, go ahead. I‘m just reading.
Magsa-zazen si Yumi. Magbabasa si Jigs. Pareho silangdi maka-concentrate. Papatayin ni Yumi ang CD player niya.
YUMI I can‘t believe our friends.
JIGS Oo nga e.
YUMI Dapat ginagawa nila ?to sa mga bagong pasok sa barkadao kaya sa bagong…ay oo nga pala. Bagong graduate ka.Congrats.
JIGS Thanks.
YUMI So what‘re your plans?
JIGS Kinukuha akong researcher sa ADB. Kinukuha rin ako ngBPI sa OTP nila.
YUMI Wow naman. In demand.
JIGS Di naman masyado. Who the hell invented this traditionanyway?
YUMI (Matatawa) You won‘t believe it.
JIGS Ikaw?
YUMI Malay ko ba na mabibiktima rin ako nito balang-araw.
JIGS So why did you start it?
YUMI Wala ka pa sa tropa nun e. Freshman ka pa lang siguro noon.Wala lang. Napagtripan lang namin si Ronald. E may crush siyakay Meg. Noong unang beses magpunta rito ng barkada, sabi ko,magsimula kami ng tradition.
Ilo-lottery namin ang pangalan ng mga lalaki at ng mga babae.Kung sino ang mabubunot, silang dalawa ang pagsasamahinsa isang kwarto sa loob ng tatlong araw. And then, we‘ll allsee what happens.
Pero dinaya namin noon yung kay Ronald at Meg. Puro Ronald atMeg ang mga pangalan na nakalagay sa lottery.
JIGS (Tatawa) Ang sama ninyo!
YUMI Kaya nga nakarma na ako e.
JIGS So is our case, dinaya? O talagang lottery?
YUMI (Teasing) Ano sa dalawa ang gusto mo?
JIGS Feeling ko may nagtrip sa‘kin sa barkada e.
YUMI Excuse me po, dalawa tayong biktima dito. I don‘t seeany reason kung bakit tayong dalawa ang sasadyaing biktimathis year, unless may crush ka sa‘kin na di ko alam at alamnila (tatawa).
JIGS Baka ikaw (tatawa).
YUMI The success rate of this tradition is 100% so far.
JIGS I was here na the 2nd time. Si Chris at si Cia angbiktima.
YUMI And last year were Rod and Kay. They‘re getting marriedkailan?
Sa June yata.
JIGS What do you expect? Ikukulong mo ang isang lalaki atisang babae sa isang kwarto for three days, imposiblengwalang mangyari doon!
YUMI That was exactly my point. (Ngingiti)
JIGS E kung may madisgrasya?
YUMI Ano‘ng disgrasya?
JIGS Alam mo na ?yun!
Hahawiin ni Yumi ang divider nilang kumot.
YUMI Ano? Sex? Pa? no kung magsex sila? Nakakatawa kanaman. Di mo masabi.
JIGS Ang alin?
YUMI Ang sex!
JIGS Hah!
YUMI Sige nga sabihin mo nga?
JIGS Para kang tanga. Tumigil ka nga.
YUMI Shet, Jigs. Graduate ka na totoy ka pa rin!
JIGS Excuse me?
YUMI Sabihin mo nga: ? Sex! Sex! Sex! Sex!?
JIGS Para kang bata, Yumi ha.
YUMI You used to call me ate Yumi when you were in thirdyear.
JIGS Well, graduate na po ako, ate Yumi.
Tahimik.
JIGS Hmmm. I wonder if we‘re gonna last three days.
YUMI (Teasing) Bakit? Ayaw mo sa‘kin?
Di sasagot si Jigs.
YUMI We‘re gonna survive this one.
JIGS What makes you so sure?
YUMI No offense, Jigs. I honestly find you very attractivepero I‘ve no time for this. Alam mo naman siguro na kaka‘
JIGS Same here.
YUMI Same here what? Na you find me attractive o you don‘thave time for this? (Matatawa)
Di sasagot si Jigs. Tahimik. Io-on ulit ni Yumi angCD player at ipagpapatuloy ang zazen. Itatabi niJigs ang libro. Nawalan na siya ng ganang magbasa.Pupunta siya sa ref. Bubuksan niya ito.
JIGS Hah! (Sarcastic) Perfect! Red Wine! How very conducive.
YUMI May chips ba diyan?
JIGS Sa awa ng Diyos, may tsibog naman.
Papatayin ni Yumi ang CD player. Tatayo siya at kukuhang chips sa ibabaw ng ref.
YUMI Since we‘re gonna be stuck naman with each other for threedays, might as well make the best out of it di ba? I-enjoy nalang natin.
JIGS What do you mean?
YUMI Get the wine, let’s have a drink! 50 hours to go na langand we‘re gonna be the first failure of this tradition.
JIGS Oo nga. (Kukunin ang wine. Maglalagay sa dalawang baso.)
When they chose Cia and Chris, naiintindihan ko pa e. Lalona sina Rod and Kay. Kung baga, tinulungan lang natinsilang umamin sa isa‘t isa. Pero us…
YUMI Weird ng barkada natin no?
JIGS To our barkada and our weird traditions!
YUMI To us, the first failure of this tradition!
Magto-toast sila at iinom.
JIGS Sige, ate Yumi. Let’s make our stay here more interesting…
YUMI What’s with the ate?
JIGS Fine…
Bubuksan ni Yumi ang chips. Uupo sila pareho sa sahig paramagkwentuhan.
JIGS Let’s play twenty questions.
YUMI Sige! Ano yon?
JIGS Each of us will have ten questions each. Tatanungin kita,tatanungin mo ako, mga gusto nating malaman sa isa‘t isa. Alternatetayo. Pero the thing here is, you can‘t ask the question that Ialready asked.
YUMI That’s pretty interesting.
JIGS At bawal magsinungaling.
YUMI Fair enough. Pero whatever is said inside this room remains inthe room. Ok?
JIGS Of course. You wanna start?
YUMI No. I want to ask the last question. (Ngingiti at kikindatan siJigs)
JIGS Smart move. Game. First question: Ano ang greatest frustration mosa buhay?
YUMI Nge. Ang korni naman ng tanong mo. Walang ka-challenge-challenge.Ask me something na mag-iisip naman ako.
JIGS Simula pa lang e.
YUMI Sige. Ano nga ba…?
JIGS Akala ko ba walang ka-challenge-challenge?
YUMI Wag kang maingay, nag-iisip ako…I‘m a frustrated ballet dancer.
JIGS Talaga?
YUMI I took lessons when I was six pero umayaw ako. Wala kasi akongdisiplina e. Mas gusto kong makipaglaro sa mga kalaro ko. PeroI really enjoy watching ballet dancers. When I see them danceparati kong kaiisip na sana, ako rin. There! Ang dali naman ngtanong mo. Walang thrill.
JIGS Appetizer lang. Yari ka sa‘kin mamaya.
YUMI We‘ll see. Ako naman: Did you ever have doubts about yoursexuality? I mean, kahit minsan ba, naisip mo na baklaka?
JIGS Never.
YUMI Bilis ng sagot a.
JIGS Coz I never entertained the idea.
YUMI Homophobe ka ba?
JIGS Alternate tayo sa tanungan, di ba?
YUMI So, not once? Kahit konti? Kahit what if lang?
JIGS I‘m straight, okay?
YUMI I‘m not asking if you‘re gay or not. I‘m askingkung…
JIGS Never nga.
YUMI We all thought na you were gay. Well at least nungfirst few months mo sa tropa before you introduced yourgirlfriend to us.
JIGS What?! You thought I was gay?!
YUMI E pa? no kasi, masyado kang mabait. Ang pogi-pogimo, pero parang allergic ka sa mga babae. Over ang pagiginggentleman mo. Too good to be true. You have a good body,it seems that you work out pero iniisip namin front molang yun. Kadalasan kasi front ng mga bakla ang pagigingmaganda ng katawan nila at pagiging sporty…
Tatawa lang si Jigs.
YUMI So we thought it’s either that or you were planning tobecome a priest.
JIGS What?!
YUMI Well, you were always this goody-goody person. Pumupuntaka sa chapel. Nangungumpisal, nagsisimba…
JIGS The way you said it, parang equivalent ang dalawa a.
YUMI Of course not. I didn‘t mean that!
JIGS I take my faith seriously. That doesn‘t make me gay!
YUMI So you did want to become a priest…
JIGS Hindi rin. Actually, I always wanted to raise a family…and be a father.
Tahimik.
YUMI So you‘re not gay.
JIGS No.
YUMI You never…
JIGS Ilang beses ka ba ipinanganak? Kulit mo e. It’smy turn.
YUMI Homophobe ka no?
JIGS Hindi kaya!
YUMI Whatever…
JIGS Ako na, daya mo naman e.
YUMI Okay, okay. Shoot me.
JIGS How do you see yourself five years from now?
YUMI You expect to win this game? Ang kokorni ng mgatanong mo e.
JIGS The object of this game is not to win.
YUMI E ano pa ba?
JIGS To get to know the other person.
YUMI Sure. Basta ako, I will win this game. Walang thrillang isang game kung walang nananalo.
JIGS Sagot.
YUMI May time limit ba ?to? (Tatawa) Wine pa nga.
JIGS Sabi nga nila: in vino veritas.
Magsasalin si Jigs ng wine.
YUMI Masarap ang wine, ha? Saan kaya nabili ito? (Iinom)To answer your question, either maging entrepreneur ako,magsisimula ako ng sarili ako nangg botique or bar, o kaya,magiging artista ako sa pelikula.
JIGS Not bad.
YUMI Pero mukhang malabo yung stint ko sa movies. Tough angcompetition e. Saka mahina ang manager ko. Panay hosting atpictorials ang nakukuhang raket para sa akin. Papalitan kona nga e. Pag nakaipon ako, baka magtayo na lang ako ngbotique.
JIGS (Magbibiro) Ayaw mo mag-bold?
YUMI Yuck!
JIGS Lahat ng gustong mag-artista doondumadaan.
YUMI May talent naman ako kahit papano a!
JIGS Lahat naman ng bold star may talent a! Sa dibdib!(Tatawa)
YUMI (Hahampasin ng unan si Jigs) Bastos ka talaga!Akala ko goody-goody ka…Hindi ko papatulan angpagbobold kahit ano‘ng mangyari no! Kahit ganito ako,may respeto pa rin naman ako sa sarili ko.
JIGS Ganito? Ano? ng ganito?
Di sasagutin ni Yumi ang tanong.YUMI These producers think all the people want is sex,sex, sex! Kaya puro basura ang mga pelikula e. Winepa nga!
JIGS (Magsasalin ng wine) Bakit naman botique?
YUMI Hoy madaya ka na ha? Hindi pa ako lasing. Akona‘ng magtatanong. Ang korni mo namang magtanong.Bigatan naman natin nang konti…Inom ka muna.
Iinom si Jigs. Magsasalin siya ng bago.
YUMI Who was your first crush in the barkada?
Tahimik.
YUMI Haha! Bingo ka no? Bagal mo naman sumagot.
Iinumin ang wine. Magsasalin ng bago.
JIGS Lalaki o babae?
Tatawa sila pareho.
YUMI Dapat may time limit ito e.Tahimik.
JIGS Hirap naman ng tanong mo.
YUMI Iyon nga ang maganda e. Para may thrill. As if namanibo-broadcast ko sa barkada kung sino.
JIGS Wine pa?
YUMI Di mo pa sinasagot yung tanong ko, nagtatanong ka na!
Magsasalin ng wine si Jigs kay Yumi.
JIGS Yung crush ko kasi…siyempre, sino pa ba? E di yungpinakamaganda sa barkada.
YUMI Nge. Subjective yon no! Para sa‘kin ang pinakagwaposi Joel. Sa babae, si Kay. Para kay Ronald, si Meg…
JIGS Yung literally na may dating‘walang tanung-tanong.Yung kahit sino? ng tanungin mo sa tropa, objectively,siya ang isasagot.
YUMI Jigs, twenty questions ang game natin. Hindi guessinggame. C‘mon man. Play your own game. Pa‘no na kung truthor dare to e di pahirapan na.
Dadalawa na nga lang tayo e.
JIGS Yung commercial model.
Matitigilan si Yumi.
YUMI Wine pa nga.
Magsasalin si Jigs. Mag-iisip si Yumi. Iinom.Biglang matatawa.
YUMI (Tumatawa pa rin) Talaga?
JIGS Sige, pagtawanan ba?
YUMI You can say it to my face, I won‘t bite. Bakit hirapna hirap kang sabihin kung sino? Takot kang ma-reject?Parang tanong lang e…Wine pa nga!
JIGS Okay, 1 point ka na…
YUMI (Ngiti) Gee…thanks. Flattered naman ako. At kailannaman nangyari ito?
JIGS Sorry, my turn to ask. (Ngingiti) Who is your crushin the barkada…NOW?
YUMI E ginaya mo lang yung tanong ko e.
JIGS Hinde no. May qualifier ako. Ang sabi ko, NOW. Angtanong mo, first crush ko.
YUMI Korni pa rin. Alam mo, kung basketball ‘to, tambakka na.
JIGS Just answer the question.
YUMI Siyempre wala. I told you, I don‘t have time forthese stuff. Kakabreak ko lang di ba?
JIGS Korni mo namang sumagot.
YUMI E korni yung tanong e. Pero kung talagang-talagangkailangan kong sumagot…hmmm…teka…sino nga ba?Sino ba‘ng crush material sa barkada?
Wala akong maisip e. Ikaw na lang.
JIGS Yung seryoso naman.
YUMI Seryoso ako. Ayaw mo yata e. Sige, iba na lang…
JIGS E napipilitan ka lang e.
YUMI Uy! Pa‘no ba ‘yan? MU na tayo? Crush mo ko, crushkita…yiheee
(Tatawa).
JIGS Dati pa ‘yon no!
YUMI Ay? Di mo na ko crush? Bakit, na turn-off ka? Anonamang ginawa ko?Tsk. Tsk.
JIGS Is that your question na?
YUMI Oy, hinde! Ito naman…di ba pwedeng mag-follow-up?
Iinom ng wine si Jigs.
YUMI Fine. Here’s a little juicy question:Describe your first kiss.
JIGS That’s not even a question.
YUMI Arte mo. O: How was your first kiss like?
Matatawa si Jigs.
JIGS Wet.
YUMI Yuck!
Magtatawanan sila.
JIGS Alam mo, aksidente yung first kiss ko. Close kasikami nung isa kong kaibigan. Pag naggu-goodbye ako sakanya, parati ko siyang kini-kiss sa noo.
E one time, sa gym habang nagpapahinga, nakaupo siyasa sahig. Tinatamad siyang tumayo. So bumaba akonang konti para halikan siya sa noo kasi pauwi na ako.E siya naman, para maabot ko, medyo tumingala. E sakto,sa lips ko siya nahalikan. Pareho kaming nagulat.
Pero di pa kami naghiwalay agad. Weird nga angfeeling e. Parang may glue. Ayaw na namin maghiwalaypareho…
Tawa pa rin si Yumi
YUMI Awww. Ang sweet naman. Parang sa pelikula. SiKrissy ba to?
JIGS Hindi. Hindi mo siya kilala.
YUMI So what happened? Nagkatuluyan kayo?
JIGS Nope.
YUMI Ha?
JIGS Ewan ko ba. Complicated kasi yung situation namine. May boyfriend siya noon. Ako naman, takot pa saisang relationship. Pero at least, na-discover naminna pareho pala kaming may gusto sa isa‘t isa. Perohanggang doon na lang.
YUMI What happened after?
JIGS We talked about it. We both decided na it wont work.Tapos, bigla na lang, hindi na kami nagkikita. And then,I met you guys, iba na ang barkada ko.
YUMI Nakakatuwa naman.
JIGS Ikaw, pa? no yung first kiss mo?
YUMI Ikaw ang nagturo sa akin ng game na ito di ba? Bakitba lagi mong bini-break ang rules? Di mo na pwedengtanungin ‘yan!
JIGS Tine-testing ko lang kung lasing ka na. (Iinomng wine) Okay, naka-warm-up na ako: What was thenaughtiest thing you ever did?
YUMI ‘Yan ang mga tanong! Ano ba‘ng ibig mong sabihinng naughty?
JIGS Bahala kang mag-define.
YUMI Hmmm…marami e…(matatawa) baka maeskandalo ka.
JIGS Kanina ayaw mo ng korni. Ngayong medyo excitingnaman…
YUMI Eto na…I had two boyfriends at the same time.
JIGS (Nagulat) Hala.
YUMI I was with Joel and Zach at the same time.
JIGS Yikes. Alam ba ni Joel?
YUMI Kaya nga kami naghiwalay nun e. Nahuli ako(matatawa).
JIGS Ano namang pumasok sa kukote mo‘t ginawa mo‘yon, aber?
YUMI Nag-eexperiment lang ako. E sa type ko silapareho e. Ano‘ng magagawa ko? Saka para may thrill.Alam mo ‘yon? Yung patago kang nakikipag-date saisa para di mahuli. Everyday pa akong nakakalibre,kasi, alternate sila!
(Tatawa) Akala n‘yo kayo lang mga lalaki ang pwedenggumawa no‘n?
JIGS How can you love two guys at the same time?
YUMI Who said something about love? Walang kinalamanang love dun. I was…having fun!
JIGS Nainlove ka na ba, ever?
YUMI Nakakailang tanong ka na? It’s my turn.
JIGS Don‘t you want to answer the question anyway?
YUMI My turn!
JIGS Kulang ka pa sa wine. (Tatawa)
Ubos na ang unang wine bottle. Kukuha si Jigsng isa pa sa ref.
JIGS Ang bilis nating uminom a.
YUMI Are you still a virgin?
JIGS Whoa! Where did that come from?
YUMI That’s my fourth question.
JIGS (Magsasalin ng wine sa mga baso). Ano sa tingin mo?
Ngingiti si Jigs. Tititigan lang siya ni Yumi.
YUMI Don‘t tell me, wala pang nangyayari sa inyo niKrissy hanggang ngayon? Ilang taon na ba kayo?
JIGS Mag-tu-two years na sana next week.
YUMI So virgin ka pa? I don‘t believe it!
JIGS Mukha ba akong tarantado?
YUMI Mukha kang nagpapaiyak ng babae e.
JIGS Insulto ba ‘yon?
YUMI Compliment ‘yon, tanga.
JIGS Ah, okay. Thanks.
YUMI Pero, you mean, you never felt the urge to do it?
JIGS Alin? Sex?
YUMI Wow! Nasabi rin niya!
JIGS Of course I always feel it. Natural lang ‘yon satao no? Nasa iyo na lang ‘yan kung ano? ng gagawin mosa urge na ‘yon.
YUMI E natural naman pala e. Bakit mo pinipigilan? I mean,pag naiihi ka, iihi ka. Pag nagugutom ka, kakain ka.Pareho lang ‘yon, di ba?
JIGS Pag naiihi ka, iihi ka dahil kailangan mong umihi.At hindi ka iihi kahit saan. Pupunta ka sa banyo. Pagnagugutom ka, kakain ka dahil kailangan. At hindi mokinakain ang lahat ng pagkain na ihain sa iyo.Pag di ka gutom, di ka kakain. Pag di mo gusto yung pagkain,di mo gagalawin. Ang aso, pag may nakitang pagkaindiyan, walang tanung-tanong. Lalamon ‘yan.
YUMI And sex is the same?
JIGS Lahat ng bagay, nilalagay sa lugar. May context. Atleast, yun ang nagpaiba sa atin sa aso.
YUMI Grabe ka namang magsalita. Para mo na ring sinabinglahat ng nakikipagsex, aso ah!
JIGS Sinasabi ko lang, pag wala sa tamang konteksto,mali.
YUMI And what is that context?
JIGS Matanda na tayo. Ayokong maging preachy. Alam nanatin yan.
Tahimik.
JIGS Kaso, kahit alam na natin, minsan di pa rin natinginagawa.
Tahimik.
JIGS Masarap e. Sino ba? ng ayaw nun?
Tahimik.
YUMI (Medyo nairita) So feeling mo santo ka at dapatkang i-congratulate for being a virgin!
JIGS Sinasabi ko lang ang pinaniniwalaan ko. Ineexplainko lang kung bakit di ko ginagawa. May kanya-kanyatayong dahilan. Di ko pinipilit kahit kanino ang mgapaniniwala ko…No need to get so cross about it,
Yumi.
Tahimik.
JIGS It’s not about being a virgin or not. It’s aboutputting things into their proper places.
YUMI I‘m not arguing with you.
JIGS Me neither. I‘m just answering your questions.
Matagal na katahimikan.
Ngingiti si Jigs.
Titignan niya si Yumi na medyo nairita sa nakaraangtrain of conversation nila. Magsasalin siya ng winepara kay Yumi.
JIGS Nasobrahan ka na yata sa wine e. (Tatawa) You stillwanna go on with the game? Nine pa lang tayo, eleven moreto go. (Ngingiti)
YUMI Shoot me.
JIGS Who was your first lay?
YUMI (Hahampasin ng unan si Jigs) Ang bastos mo talaga! Soina-assume mo na hindi na ako virgin?
JIGS E sabi mo kasi, walang thrill ang game pag walangnananalo e. So I guess I‘m winning. Saka wala namanakong inimply na ganun a! I‘m just hitting two birds withone stone. Kasi kung virgin ka, e di simple lang ang sagot:wala. Kung hindi naman, e di sino?
YUMI Ang daya mo.
JIGS Akala ko ba ayaw mo ng korning tanong.
YUMI You think I‘ll answer that after giving your sermon,Father Jigs?
JIGS Ano ka ba? Inexplain ko lang yung personal reasons ko.Kung ano man ang sa iyo, I‘ll respect them as well as Iknow you respect mine. I‘m no saint. I‘m just trying toget to know you better. (Ngingiti)
YUMI How do you do that?
JIGS Alin?
YUMI I should have walked out on you kanina pa pero the wayyou say things…parang bumabaliktad sa ‘yo…makes youmore…charming. Kung ibang tao ka siguro, di na kitakakausapin.
JIGS You can‘t walk out. We‘re locked here for three daysexcept for meals.
YUMI So I‘m forced to like you para di masira ang vacationko.(Ngingiti)
JIGS You don‘t have to answer my question if you don‘twant.
YUMI I guess I‘ll be honest with you as you were honestwith me…
Tahimik. Iinom ng wine si Yumi.
YUMI Di mo siya kilala. His name was Robert. He was myfirst boyfriend. It was Senior Prom Night. Alam mona…typical senior prom story. Everyone wants to lose iton prom night. Everyone thinks na pag prom night, itwas something special. We went out sa hall nang maaga. Wemade out sa kotse niya. One thing led to the other.Tapos, yun…yun na. We went back just in time for theawarding of the prom queen.
Guess what, I won pa.(Mahinang tawa)
JIGS What was it like?
YUMI Now that I look back, it isn‘t as special as I thoughtit was. Pero it was different then. Back then, we were justled by our passions. Alam mo yon? Andun ka na. Hormonesraging wild. Passions and Ideals are confused.
Akala mo love, yun pala, curious ka lang pala. Akala moyun na yon. Akala mo you are in-love at lahat ng gawinmo tama. Lahat ng gawin mo perfect.
Everything was magical…well, almost.
JIGS Almost…?
YUMI Sa next question mo na ‘yan. Ako na.
JIGS (Pabiro) Wine pa? Kulang ka pa yata e.
YUMI Nilalasing mo ko no? May balak ka sa? kin no?(Tatawa)
JIGS Is that your question? Sasagutin ko na.(Tatawa)
YUMI Engot. Hindi ‘yon. Here’s something na curiouslang ako. Kasi I‘ve been hearing things…saka you‘vehinted on it na rin kanina…Are you still with Krissy?
JIGS Hindi na.
YUMI Since when?
JIGS Two, maybe three weeks ago?
YUMI Sino‘ng nakipag-break?
JIGS Pareho kami.
YUMI Why?
JIGS Maraming dahilan, actually. Naisip na lang namin nait won‘t work. Isa na do‘n, magkaiba kami ng gustongmangyari sa buhay. Magkaiba kami ng mga pinaniniwalaan.
YUMI Like what?
JIGS Marami.
YUMI At ngayon mo lang nalaman iyon after two yearswith her?
JIGS People change, Yumi.
Tahimik.
JIGS Right before graduation, she asked me to move inwith her.
YUMI Talaga?
JIGS Sabi niya, doon na naman din daw papunta ang relasyonnamin. Might as well practice na raw for the real thing.Tutal, she’s working na naman,ako naman bagong graduate,we should try out na raw living together if it‘ll workfor us.
YUMI Natakot ka sa arrangement?
JIGS Hindi naman sa natakot. If you love someone, anopa‘ng ikakatakot mo, di ba?
YUMI E bakit umayaw ka?
JIGS It’s just that, It’s not my thing.
YUMI Sabi na nga ba e, bakla ka no? Sinasayang mo angopportunities!(Matatawa)
JIGS Hindi ako oportunista. At lalong hindi ako bakla.
YUMI Fine.
JIGS Naisip ko lang na hindi pa pala ako handa sa mgaganitong bagay. Wala pa sa isip ko ang gano‘n. Na-shocksiguro ako sa reality na iyon na nga ang next stepsa relationship namin. I mean, two years of beingtogether and knowing each other, we‘re practicallyready to get married, if you know what I mean. Pero Irealized, I‘m not ready for any of these. Narealizeko how immature I am. Na iba yung ideals ko two yearsago sa ideals ko ngayon.
I need to mature some more to get into this thing I mean,getting married. Diyos ko, ilang taon lang ba ako…
YUMI Maturity has nothing to do with age.
JIGS But it has a lot to do with time.
Tahimik.
JIGS So I thought, bakit kailangan ng practice mode? Ibigsabihin, pag sumablay kami, split na kami? Live like acouple minus the commitment?
Pa‘no pag nawala na yung magic? Goodbye na?
Iinom ng wine si Jigs.
JIGS Kung kasal na, kasal na. Wala nang practice. I thinkthat’s the real cowardice. Yung i-try muna natin kungit will work kasi takot kayo na baka hindi magingsuccessful ang outcome. Saan na napunta ang excitementng buhay? Kaya nga kayo in-love, para sabay kayong humarapsa totoong buhay, sa hirap at ginahawa, di ba? (Matatawa)Hindi yung pagpapraktisan muna ninyo para siguradong ginhawalang.
Magkikibit-balikat lang si Jigs.
YUMI Are you always like that?
JIGS Like what?
YUMI So cerebral in everything. Kahit pagdating sarelationships.
JIGS Life is too precious para lang daanin sa trial anderror.
Ngingiti si Jigs. Tahimik.
YUMI So, No hard feelings?
JIGS Friends pa rin kami. She still calls me up nga sabahay e.
YUMI That’s nice.
JIGS Kayo, bakit kayo nagbreak ni Carlo?
YUMI That’s your sixth na ha?
JIGS Sure.
YUMI Alam mo, ironic para sa akin yung break-up naminni Carlo. And the funny thing was, it was about…sex.Uy, sa atin lang ito ha?
JIGS Of course.
YUMI Kasi nga, I was looking for that magic nga di ba?I wanted to be in a relationship na special naman. Soof all the boyfriends I had, sa kanya lang ako walangsexual relationship. As in nag-aabstain talaga ako.Kasi parang naisip ko, para magkaroon naman ng meaningyung “making love” di ba? Parang, dapat di mo paratingginagawa, at ginagawa mo lang when you are sincere withyourself and with your partner.
So I was investing muna emotionally. And I was actuallystarting to care about him. Yung, hindi ko na iniisipyung sarili ko. Yung siya lang ang inaalala ko. Akalako perfect na…
JIGS Ano‘ng nangyari?
YUMI Patunayan ko raw na mahal ko siya. Magbigay daw akong proof. Pagbigyan ko raw siya. Sabi ko sa kanya,hindi pa ba sapat na proof ‘yon? Na I‘m saving myselffor that right moment, that special moment betweenus? Alam mo‘ng ginawa? Nilayasan ako!
JIGS You deserve someone better.
YUMI Talaga!
YUMI Isipin mo, kung kelan naman I grew tired ofmeaningless sex, when I‘m looking for the real thing,saka naman mawawala. Ang ironic ngbuhay no?
JIGS That’s the way we must learn.
YUMI Alam mo, kung tutuusin, never ko pang na-experienceyung tunay na mag make-love. And I had to go all throughthose relationships para lang ma-realize yun. At least,ngayon, alam ko na ang hinahanap ko.
Iinom ng wine.
YUMI Ikaw ba, importante sa ‘yo na virgin angmapapangasawa mo? How do you see virginity ba?
JIGS Alam mo, di ko pa napag-isipan ‘yan. Pero nowthat you‘ve mentioned it…It doesn‘t matter kungvirgin ang mapangasawa ko o hindi. Of course Ivalue virginity a lot. I treat it as the only realgift I could give to my wife to be. Imaginin mo nalang di ba, kung wife ko ang una ko.
It’s like the perfect wedding gift I could give to her.Pero kung siya hindi na virgin, I wouldn‘t care. Aslong as mahal ko siya. Kasi I don‘t expect her to giveme the same gift. I don‘t do something because I expectpeople to do the same to me. Ibigay niya sa akin angsarili niya nang buong-buo, sapat na sa akin ‘yon.Masaya na ako sa ganoon.
YUMI (Mapapangiti si Yumi.) You know, that’s the nicestthing I ever heard from a guy. That’s why I alwaysenjoy talking to you. You always say the nicest things.
JIGS Wow. Salamat. E ikaw, is making love to you equalto love?
YUMI I always took sex and love as opposite ideas. Imean, after the first time na…you know…sa Seniorprom. Kasi afterwards, we broke up na ni Robert. Taposnaisip ko, yun na ba yung love? Baka hindi love yungnaramdaman ko. Baka napagkamalan ko lang siyang love.I was just after the pleasure of intimacy. And thenI felt empty. So empty. That’s why I wanted to change.I wanted to believe in “making love.” And I‘m stilllooking for it.
Yung magic. Yung feeling mo, tao ka pala. I never feltthat kahit isang beses. Men have penetrated my bodybut never my soul. And I wanted that. I wanted someoneto touch my soul. To “make love” to my soul throughmy body. Pero siguro, naging numb na ‘ko sa dami ngrelasyong pinagdaanan ko. Hindi ko alam kung mararanasanko pa iyon. That’s why I envy you.
Tahimik.
YUMI Sa tingin mo may pag-asa pa ako?
JIGS You still have your soul…(Ngingiti)
Tahimik.
YUMI With whom would you want to experience it?
JIGS Of course, sa asawa ko.
YUMI I mean, someone in particular. Take it as myseventh question. So give a name.
JIGS A name? Hindi ko alam. Basta kung sino ang magigingasawa ko.
Tahimik. Magkikibit-balikat si Yumi.Iinom ng wine.
JIGS Well, I always thought na it was Krissy. And then,it was just gone. Of course I loved her. And I stilldo. Pero the magic was just gone after we both found outna magkaiba kami ng mga prinsipyo sa buhay.
Tahimik.
JIGS My turn?
YUMI Shoot me.
JIGS Tell me something…a secret. Yung wala kahit isangnakakaalam.
Matagal na katahimikan.
JIGS You trust me naman di ba?
YUMI Well, you‘ve earned it, alright.
JIGS Saka wala akong tinatago sa ‘yo. Sinagot ko lahatng tanong mo as honestly as I could. (Ngingiti)
YUMI I uhm…
JIGS Yes…?
YUMI I need more wine.
Magsasalin si Jigs ng wine.
JIGS Take your time. We have less than fifty hours togo.
Iinom ng wine si Yumi.
YUMI I‘ll tell you something no one in the world knowsexcept one other person. And that person probably forgotall about me already.
JIGS (Pabiro) What? You had sex with a stranger?
YUMI Ano ka ba?
JIGS Biro lang. Seryoso na.
YUMI Promise ha? Hindi ito lalabas.
JIGS Promise.
YUMI If this goes out, I will hunt you kahit sa libinganmo. Huhukayin kita at papatayin kita ulit.
JIGS Mamatay man ako ngayon.
YUMI Okay…(Pause) I…I was with Joel then… (Magigingmas seryoso ang tono niya) …and Zach. I wasn‘t reallywith Zach, I was just going out with him pag wala si Joel,alam mo na…making out and stuff…Well, anyway, I waskinda serious din naman with Joel that time. Joel and Iwere…you know…doing it. And…
JIGS And…?
YUMI Uhm…I…uhm…I got pregnant.
JIGS What?
Tahimik. Iinom ng wine si Yumi.
YUMI I uhm…shit. Hindi ko naman talaga ginusto e. Uhm…Two months akong delayed…then I took that test. I foundout na buntis nga ako…and Joel found out about Zach(maluha-luha na) and I didn‘t know what to say, youknow? Maniniwala ba naman sa akin si Joel na naaliwlang ako kay Zach? Na I didn‘t really love him? Na walalang iyon? And so he broke up with me and…I..uhm…I was afraid and uhm…
(Magsisimula siyang magbreak-down)
JIGS It’s okay…
YUMI I uhm…hindi ko na alam ang gagawin ko, Joel leftme. I wanted to tell him about the baby to make himcome back but I don‘t think he‘d believe me after thething with Zach…and…my parents are gonna killme if…shit. (iiyak)
JIGS (lalapit kay Yumi para i-console ito)Ssshhh…you don‘t have to tell me this if it upsets you…
YUMI And so I went to a clinic…(hahagulgol) I didn‘tmean to, Jiggs. I wasn‘t myself then. And I felt so afraid.So alone…
JIGS Tahan na. Ssshhh…
Iiyak lang si Yumi kay Jigs. Yayakapin ni Jigs siYumi.
JIGS Alam ba ‘to ni Joel?
YUMI How can I tell him? The only other person na nakakaalamay yung duktor sa clinic. God…(iiyak) Oh God…
JIGS It’s alright…
Hihimasin ni Jigs ang likod ni Yumi. Patatahaninniya ito. Matagal silang nakaganito lang. Matagalna katahimikan.
YUMI Can you get me my yosi?
Tatayo si Jigs. Pupunta sa may side table sa tabi ngkama. Kukunin ang yosi ni Yumi. Magsisindi siya ng isaat iaabot kay Yumi.
YUMI Thanks…
Matagal na katahimikan.
YUMI If we were…if we were the last two people on earth,would you consider doing it with me?
JIGS Doing what?
YUMI Alam mo na…
JIGS Alin? (Teasing ngingiti)
YUMI Gago mo. (Ngingiti)
JIGS Ngumiti rin.
YUMI So? Would you?
JIGS Alin nga? Di mo masabi no? Bakit di mo masabi? (Pagtatawanansi Yumi) Sabihin mo nga: Sex! Sex! Sex! Sex!
YUMI Shut up nga!
JIGS That’s your eight na, ha?
YUMI I lost count. Answer it.
JIGS Why not?
Hihithit ng yosi si Yumi. Tahimik. Sasandal si Yumisa balikat ni Jigs.
JIGS If you could be something else, what would you be?
YUMI I dunno…maybe a violin…yeah. Violin siguro.
JIGS Bakit?
YUMI I always saw the relationship of a violin and itsplayer as very intimate. Pag tumutugtog ang violinist,ang nakikita ko at naririnig ko, he strokes the soul ofthe instrument and the instrument penetrates the soul ofthe player. Para silang nagmi-make love. Di ba? Very sexy,very intimate, very sublime. Di ba? Pareho silang sinceresa isa‘t isa.
Dahil kung hindi sila sincere, walang music na mabubuo. Theviolin surrenders her body to her player, her whole body andher whole soul, in full trust and sincerity. Di ba, comparedto the sound of the other instruments, ang tunog ng violinparang isang naked woman? A naked woman in surrender? I wantto be a violin. I want to be stroked in the soul. I wantto make sincere music. I want to experience the sound of love.
Tahimik.
JIGS Lalim nun ah. (Ngingiti)
YUMI Pa‘no mo malalamang in-love ka na?
JIGS Paano? I don‘t think there’s a formula to that.Basta malalaman mo na lang. I mean, ilang beses lang banangyari sa akin ‘yon? I‘d like to believe na yun na nga‘yon…yung kay Krissy…
YUMI Kwento mo nga…paano mo narealize dati na mahal monga si Krissy?
JIGS Alam mo nakakatawa…korni actually. Babalik nanaman ako sa pagiging korni nito e. Di ba ayaw mosa korni.
YUMI Sige na. Hindi na kita aasarin.
JIGS I heard bells.
YUMI Ano?
JIGS Seryoso. Bigla na lang, habang nag-uusap kami, maynarinig na lang akong bells, tapos music. Ewan ko kunginiimagine ko lang ‘yon pero yun ang nangyari. Nakakatawanga e. Parang kanta ng Beatles.
YUMI Seryoso ka ba?
JIGS O baka naman nagkataon noong oras na yon, maynagkakantahan sa kung saan sa school. Basta may narinigakong bells. Tapos napangiti ako.
Pagtingin ko sa mata niya, iba na ang nakikita ko. Hindi kona siya nakita as kabarkada lang. Biglang parang may magic.Hindi ko ma-explain. Baduy pero ganun. Tapos I just seizedthe moment. Umamin ako. A week later, kami na.
YUMI Korni nga. (Matatawa)
JIGS Korni talagang pakinggan. Pero pag nandun ka na. Pagnaranasan mo na, feeling mo, hindi na korni.
Ngingiti si Yumi. Tahimik.
YUMI Alam mo, may times na parang tunog violin ang boses mo.O lasing lang ako?
Tahimik.
JIGS I‘m into my last question.
Iaangat ni Yumi ang ulo niya.
YUMI Shoot me. Better make it good.
JIGS If you were again to be the next victim of thistradition, if you were to be locked up in this room again…who would you want the next guy to be?
YUMI (Mag-iisip) I want someone whom I could talk to…Yung makukwentuhan ko ng mga sikreto ko. Yung may sensemakipag-usap. Yung may laman. The violin player who‘dstroke my strings…not even. Yung mapapatunog niyaang strings ko without even touching them. (Tahimik)Lumuluwag na ang dila ko…kung anu-ano na ang nasasabiko. (Ngingiti)
Tititigan lang ni Jigs si Yumi. Tahimik.
YUMI Siyempre yung masarap kausap.
Tahimik. Hindi makatingin si Yumi.
YUMI Yung kahit habambuhay wala kaming gawin kundi mag-usap…I think It’s better than making love.
Mapapatingin si Yumi kay Jigs.
YUMI Gosh I want to kiss you so badly.
Matitigilan siya.
YUMI I can‘t believe I just said that.
Tahimik. Titignan niya ulit si Jigs.
YUMI don‘t you want to kiss me?
Pause. Titignan siya ni Jigs sa mata.
JIGS Is that your last question? (Ngingiti siJigs)
YUMI Yes.
DILIM.

Superlatives making it up for OT

2008-01-29T18:24:00.000+08:00

After promising to myself that I'll forego of weekend work in 2008, I went to the office last Saturday. And I am pretty sure that it won't be my last weekender at my workstation. (Note to self: Make your new year's resolutions realistic.)

On the bright side, I received the following email today from our client's senior architect after my investigation on a reported bug:

Tricia,

Superb! Thank you very much.

(Table name deleted from this sentence for obvious reasons) is not used on the processing side. We will have to look at this later.

Best regards,
Neil

What can I say, I love English people and their superlatives!

It's 7:30 pm and I get a new bug assignment. I should've been off an hour ago. Well...I just hope I get another superlative in my mail tomorrow.

Tattooed On My Mind

2007-11-25T13:53:00.000+08:00

My busy life only allows me a glimpse of TV when I get home. Recently, I've been addicted to one show I never thought I'd take time to watch - Miami Ink. It showcases the art of tattooing, where each tattoo is inspired by a story (or not - "I just like it so much so I want it embedded on my body forever.").

When I was younger, I was always reminded by my elders about tattoos - "Wag na wag kang uuwi ditong may hikaw sa ilong, at lalong wag ka nang bumalik kung may tattoo ka." Then there's also the judgment on people wearing tattoos -"Pag nagka-boyfriend ka i-check mo kung may tattoo ha." In short, I grew up thinking tattoos are bad and only bad people would have them. I used to cringe at the thought of needle and ink. But the show changed this. I have come to appreciate the artistic expression behind tattoos. I really admire the artists' creativity and skill in putting images to life on people's skin.

My two favorites are Ami James and Chris Garver. Ami is hot. Period. Haha. But I think it is worthwhile to mention that he is very passionate about the art and is a dedicated businessman (he co-owns the tattoo shop and a bar with another of the show's stars, Chris Nuñez). Ami is also really good at freehand drawing. I had this pseudo-conversation with him in my mind that goes like this: Ami says "Would you mind if I add some freehand details to this?" and I go "Oh grab that pen and scribble away, honey." Not the sexiest thing to say, but in my mind I got a flirty grin, so what-the-heck. ;)

Chris Garver is, by all means, the best artist on the show. He has the most experience in tattooing. Even Ami said that he learned from Chris G. His large tattoos are breathtaking. It's a shame the site flipbook doesn't contain that many large tattoos of his. Chris G has this fascination with Japanese-inspired art - I love his Japanese flowers! (Off-topic: More than these flowers, I am quite interested in the Japanese culture myself. It amazes me how intricate Japanese details are - from sushis to woven silk kimonos to cars. The Japanese definitely pay attention to presentation, and I appreciate the amount of effort and skill they put into achieving perfection.) Anyway, I think I am just trying to connect with Chris G, one of the greatest artists in the world, on a psycho-spiritual way by associating his Japanese flowers to my premature interest in anything-Japanese.

I am pondering on getting a tattoo myself. Maybe I'll have a geisha on my back, or a star on my butt cheek. I wonder what my Mom would think about that. Hahaha.

Au revoir, Onin

2007-11-10T21:20:00.000+08:00

I remember a conversation I had with a friend. It was about the difference between "moving on" and "moving forward". I learned how the previous has a notion of hanging on to the past, whilst the latter gives more importance to what lies ahead. I used this in this article I wrote about Onin. Because while the experience of losing a friend has become one of the darkest times in my life (right up there with when my Dad left us when I was 12), it has allowed me to see things with a new set of eyes. As I've said in the article, each moment now is precious. I drew my first resolution for 2008 as early as now: if it's important to me, I have to make time.

A toast to Onin was published on the November 1, 2007 issue of Philippine Daily Inquirer.

A toast to Onin
By Patricia Palea Orjalo
Inquirer
Last updated 06:07pm (Mla time) 11/02/2007

MANILA, Philippines--It has been more than a week since that fateful Friday, and I still hear his voice when I sleep at night. I wake up and stare at the ceiling for 10 minutes -- or is it 20? I think to myself, “I’m going to be late.” But I don’t move for another five minutes.

I stare blankly at my breakfast plate and finish my coffee in hurried gulps. I walk my usual path, listening to the usual morning sounds. I strain to hear his familiar laughter wafting through the air. I work my sadness off. I tire myself trying to drive the negativity away. Oh, and I smoke again; it seems to me that every puff brings me closer to him.

I just cannot believe that he’s gone. After all, he’s Onin. Onin who made each day at work seem like playtime. Onin who brought an extra sandwich each morning, because he knew I rarely ate breakfast before I left the house. Onin who made me laugh at the oddest times: at lunchtime while standing in line at the cafeteria, in the sleepy hours of the afternoon, and in between sobs. Onin -- who bugged us to buy Happy Meals for merienda so that he could have the free toys that he would bring home to his 4-year-old son.

He loved his family so much. His stories were always about his little one, or his Mommy and Daddy, or his brother, or one of his cousins. He always put them first on his list of priorities. His plans were always tailored to what would be best for them.

I was in denial for a long time. From the moment I got the first text message, to the anxious hours of searching for him at the Makati Medical Center and Ospital ng Makati, up until the night I looked at him inside the coffin, I could not accept the painful reality that my good friend had departed. But then again, who would have thought that a person so full of life and who gave so much would go ahead of us?

All of Onin’s friends and loved ones were distraught. A dark cloud hovered over the Vidamo residence on the first night of the wake. Mass was said with everyone present in tears. It started with discreet sniffs and burst out in loud wails of anger, grief and despair. The priest did not bother to stop the ceremony to comfort the family members. He let them be.

“Life is a mystery, and I do not have answers,” he said in his homily. For me, that was the best that anybody could do: to let Onin’s family give free expression to the mixed emotions they were feeling. To let them deal with all of these together is to respect them. It is like saying that you feel for them, but you cannot truly comprehend how difficult this tragedy must be for them.

Unfair. That’s what it is. Not only to Onin’s family, but to all those who lost their loved ones in that explosion in Glorietta 2 last Oct. 19. My heart goes out even to those who have been scarred by the blast, not only in the physical sense, but deep inside where the marks last forever.

Absurd. That’s what the heartless perpetrators did. That is, if the tragedy was another act of terrorism, a bombing plotted to make us all cower.

Polluted by politics. That’s what the whole investigation seems to me. And having Madame President visiting the mall just days after the incident and waving to the press was not cute at all.

I remember the last time Onin and I talked. He had invited me to have a few drinks. I promised we’d go out during my break from my grad school classes. Little did I know that I would not have the chance to fulfill that promise.

Onin’s death made me pause in a way that my busy life would not have allowed. It’s such a cliché, but I realize that life is short, indeed. Each moment, precious. So, I know I have to move forward.

I’m done with crying. Aside from the fact that I’ve cried my eyes out in one weekend, I can hear Onin telling me, “Ayusin mo nga ’yang mukha mo (Why don’t you fix your face?).” That was what he always told me every time I cried.

So, Onin, I am speaking for all the people whose lives you’ve touched: Thank you, ’pare. I raise my glass to you, for the joys you brought to our hearts and the life that you so generously shared. You’ve inspired us all. Cheers.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Au revoir is goodbye in French. But when we dissect the expression, "voir" being "to see", it actually means "see you again".

What's Wrong With Being Anonymous?

2007-09-22T08:21:00.000+08:00

My supposedly-witty response to the recently concluded Be Bench: The Model Search.

Hottie hero

2007-07-17T00:51:00.000+08:00

I love love love Milo Ventigmiglia (a.k.a Peter Petrelli of Heroes) in Fergie's Big Girls Don't Cry video. He doesn't have to fly or be invisible. His tattoo-clad sexiness on my bed will do. ;)

More Than Meets The Eye

2007-07-02T09:41:00.000+08:00

Kudos to Michael Bay! Never thought I'd enjoy car-transforming robots. But in one statement, I'd say 'I loved it!'

Apart from the cheesy line from Shia LaBeouf, which came from the cartoon's original theme song, the movie was great. Very nice CG. Sounds and effects were fantastic. The overall impact made me think that the vibrating mobile phone inside my bag could be transforming at that very instant (sheepish, i know. haha!). And, could Josh Duhamel be any hotter?

It won its first award as the Best Summer Movie You Haven't Seen Yet at the 2007 MTV Movie Awards. Don't miss it guys! :)

Murphy's Law

2007-06-27T17:57:00.000+08:00

In one of my 1st classes this semester, my professor quoted Murphy's Law in her last slide. Her slide said, "If something will go wrong, it will go wrong." A classmate raised his hand and corrected her - "Ma'am, hindi ba dapat 'can' yung una? 'If something can go wrong, it will go wrong'?" The professor frowned at the projected slide and said, "Does it matter?"

And they went on with a short debacle that ended with Ma'am saying "Whatever, I'm not an English major!"

At that time, probably because I couldn't wait to get out of my seat after 85 slides, I couldn't care less what Murphy said. But in my mind I sided with my classmate.

I Googled it (define:Murphy's Law), and voila, here's the top result from www.crfonline.org/orc/glossary/m.html:

"If something can go wrong, it will go wrong."

Does it matter? Well, if you are talking to a roomful of opinionated professionals, it most probably does.

Disillusoned

2007-06-10T23:34:00.001+08:00

A couple of nights ago I bumped into an old friend. The moment I saw the look in her eyes when she saw me, I knew - it was going to be a long night. Was I right.

It began with her saying "Tara na, tama na to." She was holding several shopping bags, and was referring to her trying to find a white bag to add to her spree. And then she added, "Magkape na tayo" as if trying to read my mind asking "Where to? "

Catching up began with small talk. Oh this is awkward, I said to myself. I knew I had to ask her the question. Even if I already knew what her answer would be. But what the heck, I wanted to get it over and done with. "So kamusta na kayo?" I went and gulped on whipped cream (I knew I needed sugar high). "Hay nako, wag mo na tanungin. Alam mo namang ayokong kinakamusta diba? Kasi nga nababati," came her response as if on cue. Parang hindi pa nailalagay yung question mark sa dulo ng question ko, may sagot na siya. Na ilang beses na naming narinig. Pero dahil kaibigan ko siya, I had to ask. I had to know if the bastard is still making her life the hell that it is. But what do you know, my friend already has this belief that if anybody asks her about her marriage, it would shake the status quo that is the ok-lang-hindi-kami-masyadong-nagaaway mode of her relationship with her husband.

It is pathetic. Just her coming up with that belief is. Pucha bawal mangamusta? Anona?

I thought that was the end of it. But then she went on and spilled the rest of her miserable life. Of lies, of alcohol and women, of money problems - both in excess and lack thereof, of constant quarreling in front of her innocent child, of her belittling in-laws, of her dysfunctional relationship with her father, of her older brother's selfishness and immature ways eating up on their Mom's savings, of her Mom's recent visit and operation. Of losing self-confidence, of losing herself in it all.

I tried to share my own life dilemmas, just to appease her that she's not carrying all the problems in the world. But I have to admit - my concerns pale in comparison to her emotional and psychological baggage. I feel it until now as I type it away, willing the heaviness to disappear in my writing.

On the way home I realized that what made her story so sad are not the circumstances per se. Rather, it was the resigned way she told them. It was as if she was convincing herself that everything is ok. It seemed that she gave up on her hopes and dreams of a happy life.

As soon as I closed my cab door, I cried. After the first tear fell to my cheek, the rest just can't help but flow. The cab driver must have thought I was crazy. I was tempted to tell him my infamous line to "Just drive" when I saw him peeking at me through the rear view mirror. But I got scared that he might leave me to walk SLEX all the way home.

I only stopped when it was time to pay the toll. I continued the drama in my bedroom. I felt like I was crying for her. For all the pains she experienced and continues to endure. I cried until my eyelids hurt so bad.

You say I'm emotional. You're damned right.

Shrek the Third

2007-05-22T15:38:00.000+08:00

Surprise of all surprises - the latest sequel of Shrek bored me. My friend and I tried to count the number of times we yawned inside the cold, dark theater. Guess what, we actually lost count! But we did remember the few times we laughed out loud.

Mine are as follows (in increasing laughter intensity):

1. Prince Charming and Pinocchio exchange [as seen in the trailer]

Prince Charming: You! You can't lie! Where is Shrek?

Pinocchio: Well, uh, I don't know where he's not.

Prince Charming: You don't know where Shrek is?

Pinocchio: On the contrary,

Prince Charming: So you do know where he is!

Pinocchio: I'm possibly more or less not definitely rejecting the idea that I undeniably

Prince Charming: Stop It!

Pinocchio: Do or do not know where he shouldn't probably be. If that indeed wasn't where he isn't!

2. When Snow White suddenly turned into an angry warrior princess towards the end (with matching sounds and running animals-gone-wild).

3. When "That's What Friends Are For" was played during Shrek and Artie's conversation.

Shrek the Third lacked the freshness of its first two movies. It offered the same old style, where yucky is supposed to be funny and Donkey is a witty overconfident talking animal. Oh, and let's not forget Puss in Boots' begging eyes - made me go 'Aww..' in Shrek 2, but failed to deliver this time. And don't get me started on Justin Timberlake's voice for his character Artie. I mean, if you didn't know it was him, you'd wonder who the high-pitched teenager was. You could argue that Artie is a teenager in the movie, but come on...none of my guy friends sounded like that in high school (except maybe for the, uh, not-so-straight ones). A line or two of Sexy Back (to any of the princesses) would've made me forgive JT, but well, maybe that's veering away from the plot. I guess we're not seeing a Fourth on the horizon.

Long Walk

2007-05-13T00:49:00.000+08:00

A month ago, Kurt Vonnegut, author of classic novels such as Slaughterhouse-Five and Cat’s Cradle, died at 84. It's such a shame that I only know of him by one of his short stories. One, which does not even fall under his popular genres of science fiction and philosophy. It's a love story. I am posting it here, as a tribute to him.

Long Walk to Forever
by Kurt Vonnegut

They had grown up next door to each other, on the fringe of acity, near fields and woods and orchards, within sight of alovely bell tower that belonged to a school for the blind.
Now they were twenty, had not seen each other for nearly a year. There had always been playful, comfortable warmth between them, but never any talk of love.
His name was Newt. Her name was Catharine. In the early afternoon, Newt knocked on Catharine's front door. Catharine came to the door. She was carrying a fat, glossy magazine she had been reading.The magazine was devoted entirely to brides. "Newt!" she said. She was surprised to see him.
"Could you come for a walk?" he said. He was a shy person, even with Catharine. He covered his shyness by speaking absently as though what really concerned him were faraway--as though he were a secret agent pausing briefly on a mission between beautiful, distant,and sinister points. This manner of speaking had always been Newt's style, even in matters thatconcerned him desperately.
"A walk?" said Catharine.
"One foot in front of the other," said Newt, "through leaves, over bridges---"
"I had no idea you were in town," she said.
"Just this minute got in," he said.
"Still in the Army, I see," she said.
"Seven months more to go," he said. He was a private first class in the Artillery. His uniformwas rumpled. His shoes were dusty. He needed a shave. He held out his hand for the magazine."Let's see the pretty book," he said.
She gave it to him. "I'm getting married, Newt," she said.
"I know," he said. "Let's go for a walk."
"I'm awfully busy, Newt," she said. "The wedding is only a week away."
"If we go for a walk," he said, "it will make you rosy. It will make you a rosy bride." He turned the pages of the magazine. "A rosy bride like her--like her--like her," he said, showingher rosy brides.
Catharine turned rosy, thinking about rosy brides.
"That will be my present to Henry Stewart Chasens," said Newt. "By taking you for a walk,I'll be giving him a rosy bride."
"You know his name?" she said.
"Mother wrote," he said. "From Pittsburgh?"
"Yes," she said. "You'd like him."
"Maybe," he said.
"Can--can you come to the wedding, Newt?" she said.
"That I doubt," he said.
"Your furlough isn't for long enough?" she said.
"Furlough?" said Newt. He was studying a two page ad for flat silver. "I'm not on furlough,"he said.
"Oh?" she said.
"I'm what they call A.W.O.L.," said Newt.
"Oh, Newt! You're not!" she said.
"Sure I am," he said, still looking at the magazine.
"Why, Newt?" she said.
"I had to find out what your silver pattern is," he said. He read names of silver patterns from the magazine. Albemarle? Heather?" he said. "Legend? Rambler Rose?" He looked up, smiled. "I plan to give you and your husband a spoon," he said.
"Newt, Newt--tell me really," she said.
"I want to go for a walk," he said.
She wrung her hands in sisterly anguish. "Oh, Newt--you're fooling me about being A.W.O.L.," she said.
Newt imitated a police siren softly, and raised his eyebrows.
"Where--where from?"
"Fort Bragg," he said.
"North Carolina?" she said.
"That's right," he said. "Near Fayetteville--where Scarlet O'Hara went to school."
"How did you get here, Newt?" she said.
He raised his thumb, jerked it in a hitchhike gesture. "Two days," he said.
"Does your mother know?" she said.
"I didn't come to see my mother," he told her.
"Who did you come to see?" she said.
"You," he said.
"Why me?" she said.
"Because I love you," he said. "Now can we take a walk?" he said. "One foot in front of the other--through leaves, over bridges--"
They were taking the walk now, were in a woods with a brown-leaf floor.
Catharine was angry and rattled, close to tears. "Newt," she said, "this is absolutely crazy."
"How so?" said Newt.
"What a crazy time to tell me you love me," she said. "You never talked that way before."She stopped walking. "Let's keep walking," he said.
"No," she said. "So far, no farther. I shouldn't have come out with you at all," she said.
"You did," he said.
"To get you out of the house," she said. "If somebody walked in and heard you talking to me that way, a week before the wedding--"
"What would they think?" he said.
"They'd think you were crazy," she said.
"Why?" he said
Catharine took a deep breath, made a speech. "Let me say that I'm deeply honored by this crazy thing you've done," she said. "I can't believe you're really A.W.O.L., but maybe you are. Ican't believe you really love me, but maybe you do. But--"
"I do," said Newt.
"Well, I'm deeply honored," said Catharine, "and I'm very fond of you as a friend, Newt,extremely fond--but it's just too late." She took a step away from him. "You've never even kissed me," she said, and she protected herself with her hands. "I don't mean you should do it now. I justmean that this is all so unexpected. I haven't got the remotest idea of how to respond."
"Just walk some more," he said. "Have a nice time."
They started walking again.
"How did you expect me to react?" she said.
"How would I know what to expect?" he said. "I've never done anything like this before."
Did you think I would throw myself into your arms?" she said.
"Maybe," he said.
"I'm sorry to disappoint you," she said.
"I'm not disappointed," he said. "I wasn't counting on it. This is very nice, just walking."
Catharine stopped again. "You know what happens next?" she said.
"Nope," he said.
"We shake hands," she said. "We shake hands and part friends," she said. "That's what happens next."
Newt nodded. "All right," he said. "Remember me from time to time. Remember how muchI loved you." Involuntarily, Catharine burst into tears. She turned her back to Newt, looked into the infinate colonnade of the woods.
"What does that mean?" said Newt.
"Rage!" said Catharine. She clenched her hands. "You have no right--"
"I had to find out," he said.
"If I'd loved you," she said, "I would have let you know before now."
"You would?" he said.
"Yes," she said. She faced him, looked up at him, her face quite red. "You would have known," she said.
"How?" he said.
"You would have seen it," she said. "Women aren't very clever at hiding it."
Newt looked closely at Catharine's face now. To her consternation, she realized that what she had said was true, that a woman couldn't hide love. Newt was seeing love now. And he did what he had to do. He kissed her. "You're hell to get along with!" she said when Newt let her go.
"I am?" said Newt.
"You shouldn't have done that," she said.
"You didn't like it?" he said.
"What did you expect," she said--"wild, adandoned passion?"
"I keep telling you," he said," I never know what's going to happen next."
"We say good-by," she said. He frowned slightly. "All right," he said.
She made another speech. "I'm not sorry we kissed," she said. "That was sweet. We should have kissed, we've been so close. I'll always remember you , Newt, and good luck."
"You too," he said.
"Thirty days," he said.
"What?" she said.
"Thirty days in the stockade," he said--"that's what one kiss will cost me."
"I--I'm sorry," she said, "but I didn't ask you to go A.W.O.L."
"I know," he said.
"You certainly don't deserve any hero's reward for doing something as foolish as that," she said.
"Must be nice to be a hero," said Newt. "Is Henry Stewart Chasens a hero?"
"He might be, if he got the chance," said Catharine. She noted uneasily that they had begun to walk again. The farewell had been forgotten.
"You really love him?" he said.
"Certainly I love him!" she said hotly. "I wouldn't marry him if I didn't love him!"
"What's good about him?" said Newt.
"Honestly!" she cried, stopping again. "Do you have any idea how offensive you're being? Many, many, many things are good about Henry! Yes," she said, "and many, many, many things are probably bad, too. But that isn't any of your business. I love Henry, and I don't have to arguehis merits with you!"
"Sorry," said Newt.
"Honestly!" said Catharine.
Newt kissed her again. He kissed her again because she wanted him to.
They were now in a large orchard.
"How did we get so far from home, Newt?" said Catharine.
"One foot in front of the other--through leaves, over bridges," said Newt.
"They add up--the steps," she said.
Bells rang in the tower of the school for the blind nearby.
"School for the blind," said Newt.
"School for the blind," said Catharine. She shook her head in drowsy wonder. "I've got to go back now," she said.
"Say good-by," said Newt.
"Every time I do," said Catharine, "I seem to get kissed."
Newt sat down on the close-cropped grass under an apple tree. "Sit down," he said.
"No," she said.
"I won't touch you," he said.
"I don't believe you," she said.
She sat down under another tree, twenty feet away from him. She closed her eyes.
"Dream of Henry Stewart Chasens," he said.
"What?" she said.
"Dream of your wonderful husband-to-be," he said.
"All right, I will," she said. She closed her eyes tighter, caught glimpses of her husband-to-be.
Newt yawned. The bees were humming in the trees, and Catharine almost fell asleep. When she opened her eyes she saw that Newt really was asleep. He began to snore softly. Catharine let him sleep for an hour, and while he slept she adored him with all her heart. The shadows of the apple trees grew to the east. The bells in the tower of the school for the blind rang again.
"*chick-a-dee-dee-dee*," went a chickadee.
Somewhere far away an automobile started nagged and failed, nagged and failed, fell still.
Catharine came out from under her tree, knelt by Newt.
"Newt?" she said.
"H'm?" he said. He opened his eyes.
"Late," she said.
"Hello, Catharine," he said.
"Hello, Newt," she said.
"I love you," he said.
"I know," she said.
"Too late," he said.
"Too late," she said.
He stood, stretched groaningly. "A very nice walk," he said.
"I thought so," she said.
"Part company here?" he said.
"Where will you go?" she said.
"Hitch into town, turn myself in," he said.
"Good luck," she said.
"You too," he said. "Marry me, Catharine?"
"No," she said.
He smiled, stared at her hard for a moment, then walked away quickly.
Catharine watched him grow smaller in the long perspective of shadows and trees, knew that if he stopped and turned now, if he called to her, she would run to him. She would have no choice.
Newt did stop. He did turn. He did call. "Catharine," he called.
She ran to him, put her arms aroud him, could not speak.

hilariously blunt

2007-05-04T16:31:00.000+08:00

I saw this on Tinnerts' blog. I found it really funny, so I'm reposting it here.

(Tin is, of course, from Accenture.)

Halalan 2007

2007-05-02T09:35:00.000+08:00

It is twelve days to Election Day, and yet I haven't done my shortlist of candidates (the one I promsied to write a month ago). I have picked senatorial candidates in my mind, and I am convincing myself that - yes, these are the people I trust to make laws for my beloved country.

A year in graduate school has taught me to think within a context and to evaluate using a framework. Doing otherwise results in shitty papers, believe me. Anyway, I thought of applying the same in choosing my candidates, and hence, this set of criteria:

Track record
A person, to be credible and trustworthy - of a community, a city, or a country, must have a consistent track record. I refuse to use the term clean to describe a politician's track record, because in this country, I am quite convinced that nobody has one.

Consistency is somewhat equivalent to integrity. To be able to hold on to and to stand up for one's ideals and principles in the face of criticisms is a mark of a respectable man. It could be as simple as giving free textbooks to high school students when he/she said in his/her campaign that he/she "will give textbooks to high school students." Or it could be something as debatable as sticking to his/her opinion of the fall of the Estrada administration in 2001. We have to able to hold someone responsible and accountable for his/her word.

The morality of one's track record is subject to one's own set of beliefs, and thus is considered to be out of context in this entry. And hey, the objective here is to make a list, not to cross out names in 10's.

Competence
Someone running for public office ought to have a good CV, as he/she can be considered to be applying for a job: a job that puts him/her in power at that. Thus, he/she is expected to have a good educational background and a relevant working experience. A person running for senate must have an adequate understanding of the law and must be an advocate of what is right and just (now if that doesn't make you cross out Chavit's name - lintek wala akong kamag-anak o kaibigan na iniisip siyang iboto! WALA! - then you're probably out of your mind or just really really stupid). A person running for a local government position must know his/her area of responsibilty - the Strengths, Weaknesses, Opportunities and Threats of the place, its primary needs, and its people - to be able to serve the community more effeciently.

Advocacy
A candidate must have his/her platform organized and prioritized according to his/her advocacy. This is where a political party could be of help to voters. Members of a political party must agree on important issues and must think and act according to their set of principles. But in this country, where a political party is simply a collection of individuals who stay together (as much as possible) during the campaign period for logistics and financial support, voters ought to be more critical of each candidate's cause. This goes back to competence, as a candidate must have the capability to carry out his/her advocacies.

Approach
This simply refers to a candidate's strategy and paradigm (i.e.,way of thinking). I am looking for people with a fresh approach. They don't necessarily have to offer something new, but they ought to have the audacity to break free from the usual hulabaloo of Philippine politics. It is about time for us to demand our leaders to be direct, to deliver and to be proactive.

I usually say to my friends "wag kang magrereklamo kung hindi ka naman bumoto." To vote is both a right and a responsibilty. So I appeal: Vote on May 14. You owe it to your country. You owe it to yourself. You owe it to your future.

Know more about your candidates through their podcast interviews: http://newsinfo.inquirer.net/podcasts/

What part of NO didn't you understand?

2007-04-13T16:14:00.000+08:00

I have this theory that (some) men (and women) are born with the difficulty of understanding what "No" means. That, or they are just very persistent. It could also be that they are not really listening, and simply want to have things their way.

Well, if you're in for some harsh truth, welcome to Rejection 101.

1. What does "No" mean?
According to Merriam-Webster, "No" can be defined as a noun - "a negative vote or decision" or for the purposes of this entry, it could also be an adverb - "not so -- used to express negation, dissent, denial, or refusal".

2. Could it mean something else?
This is a trick question. As I cannot speak for everybody, I shall answer this in the simplest and most honest way that I know: Yes, but not all the time. You see, the key is having what we refer to as "a little sensitivity".
If you know the person you're dealing with, or at least have established the basics of getting-to-know (a friend, a teamate at work, a neighbor), then you ought to know when the person might mean something else when he/she says "No." Otherwise, take enough time to know and just rely on what is given to you. If the answer is No, then it most probably means No (please refer to no.1).

3. Say what you mean, and mean what you say.
Now, this is not as easy as it may seem. What we could do is to make sure that we're in the same context as the person we're talking to. Again, that's not a piece of cake (especially when you're dealing with people who don't have a clue themselves). But whoever said this was easy, right?

4. Take things as they are.
If No.3 is about giving, this is more for the receiving end. Simplify your life. Don't read too much into things. (And now,I wonder: pano na yung mga "what if" sessions natin? Hahaha.)

5. Clarify, if you wish.
It is okay to ask when things are unclear to you. But remember: once is enough, twice is a shame, thrice is a crime.

6. Know when to stop.
Like in any goal-oriented activity, you should set a sort of deadline for yourself. Time is gold, as they say, and it is upto you to use/waste on waiting, moping, or fooling around.

7. Everything's in black-and-white (You wish).
There will always be gray areas in life. Some say that these are where the excitement comes from - the idea of not knowing. But I believe that discovering is much more fun than guessing. Choose your adventure wisely.

8. Learn to accept.
Acceptance, for me, is the enactment of humility. As only those who are humble enough are able to accept, without questions if (humanly) possible.

9. Grow up.
This could be the summary of this whole entry. People who are "mature enough" would know better than to blame everybody except themselves when they are rejected. Something painful or difficult as rejection could serve as a lesson. Maybe something better will come for you. Prepare for it. Do better next time.

10. Move on.
As cliche as it may seem: Rejection is not the end of the world. Don't dwell on negative things too much. They will only drive you crazy. I reiterate the last part of No.9: Maybe something better will come for you. Prepare for it. Do better next time.

SYJHTSU (Sometimes You Just Have To Shut Up)

2007-04-10T14:16:00.000+08:00

I left with an ugly-looking rash on the right-side of my mouth. I haven't had enough sleep for days. I crammed for our last paper and for the finals the day before. The 3 hours of brisk hand-writing (Professor's instruction: Write legibly. I give very low points for answers I can't read.) for the final exam didn't help. I was in no mood at all, especially for the stares at the airport. I screamed in my head: Screw you people! My cousins said I looked like a terrorist with the face mask and the dark eyeglasses (that comes with pointing while laughing their heads off at me). Haha. Funny.

My mood relaxed a bit upon landing on the Busuanga airport. I say 'a bit' coz the 2-hour dusty rough road to Salvacion triggered the not-so-happy me again. I was at my breaking point. I got bitchier by the micro-second. Oh, and did I mention that the doctor said I had to refrain from eating seafood for a while because of my infection? Great. Palawan without seafood. Just great.

I was surprised to find the world painted in a different shade the next day. And I mean literally. The sky was bluish gray at 5:00AM (Yes, I woke up around this time for the rest of my vacation), and it slowly changed to a mixture of red, orange, pink and yellow. The moonset was beautiful. Its parallelism with the sunrise on the other side of the island was breathtaking. I found myself ranting less as the days went by. I slept better (and earlier! weeeeeeeeeee!). I ate slower. I smiled more.

Everything was timely, as it was holy week. Time for reflection, as the elders say. I reflected in my own way - a little different from the usual prayerful means that my Mom expects us to be in. We went to a lot of beaches - one island per day. My cousins and I were in our "skimpy bikinis". How in the world are we going to be prayerful in those outfits? Huh. You tell me. But you see, amidst all the antics, the crazy fun while swimming, snorkeling and picture-taking, all of us will fall quiet. For a long time. In our own time. It's as if we knew when to keep quiet, and not to bother each other. We just sat on the powdery white sand, and stared at the wonderfulness that surrounded us. We took in all the beauty that we can - from the countless white-sand beaches in the islands nearby, to the vast blue waters, to the bright sky, to the yellow and black cardinals. We did that, even by the pool at the resthouse. Stared at a distance. Sighed in awe. Thanked the Lord for the blessings of family, beauty and relaxation time on top of peace and quiet.

The 6 days in Palawan was more than a vacation to me. It was a renewing experience. It reminded me that sometimes, you just have to shut up. I hope the Lord understands that we simply had to do it in our bikinis.

Critical Uncertainties

2007-03-21T00:27:00.000+08:00

I am quite caught in the foresighting exercise that we're doing (cramming actually) for our Strategic Technology Planning class. Here, we are tasked to discuss the plausible scenarios for our assigned industry - Amusement Parks (Weeeeeeeeee!). We're through identifying predictable variables and critical uncertainties that will affect/influence the development of amusement parks. Sa wakas, natapos din ang pagaagam-agam tungkol sa lintik na Impact vs. Uncertainty matrix. Darn, that was a loooooooooooong discussion.

(Note: The ff. conversation is not a verbatim transcription.)
Kuya edmund: Mali ito e..mali itong graph. Dapat i-multiply natin yung impact at uncertainty para makuha natin yung value.

Vaj: Oo nga, mali yung graph. Kasi if you'll look at this variable....(malditang chinita tries to follow, looks at the graph and searches the text for description of variables)

Chickboy rogel: Nalilito nga rin ako e. Dapat ba unahin yan o yung pag-eliminate?

Ayie: Oo nga noh, kung mag-eliminate na lang muna para konti na lang yung lalagyan ng impact and uncertainty. Pero wait, anong basis ng elimination? Dapat yung impact and uncertainty.

malditang chinita: E kung baliktarin na lang kaya natin? (All looked at me as if I were some idiot.)

I was referring to the matrix, by the way - to measure certainty instead of uncertainty. Whatever. Blah, blah, blah.

This happened after a 5-hour meeting for another group's project (Marketing Plan), 2 hours of isaw+fishballs+tambay, and 3 hours of foresight discussion over latte. So I am entitled to a weird remark or two. Or maybe, as Vaj has said "It could be the coffee talking."

Now I am inclined to identify my own critical uncertainties:
- Will we finish our projects on time?
- Will we get our well-deserved 1.0?
- Will I survive the next 2 weeks of sleepless nights reading, cramming, and writing?
- Will I finish TM in "flying colors" as I have declared over lunch yesterday?
- Will the Boracay trip with the girls push through? (Sana, sana, sana. Kahit December. Haha.)
- Will Richard Gomez win the senatorial elections? (God forbid.)
- Will Melinda Doolittle win American Idol? (Yes, please.)
- Will I fall in love again? (Ah..eh..busy ako eh. :-P)
- Magkakatuluyan ba sina Jackie at Ely/ Celine at JB sa Maging Sino Ka Man? (Shucks di na ko nakakanood. Yuck, baduyness.)

Mga tanong na walang sagot. Or, as I have learned, wala pang sagot pero pwedeng meron. Basta ganun. Hay...patience is a virtue.

cheers

2007-03-04T21:09:00.000+08:00

If sadness were taken in shots
and not in one big gulp,
then I must be an alcoholic.

I love Anne Curtis

2007-01-07T16:12:00.000+08:00

I've been trying to catch Maging Sino Ka Man since it started. At first, I was just interested in what the 'new' soap has to offer besides the pretty faces in the promotional ad (with the dramatic shots of the stars' eyes and all).

But Anne Curtis surprised me. I like her character, Celine, best. She has improved her craft alot since her childhood-teenybopper-bulol days. And what can I say, I am now a fan. Call me baduy, or jologs, I don't care. I mean, how can I not love her with these lines:

Yes, I am a slut. But I am the best slut in town!

I am definitely asking for that autograph when I see her. And I want a kiss. Oh what the hell, "Anne, let's just make out."

Breathe me

2007-01-03T22:56:00.000+08:00

I like the holidays. As a child, I always looked forward to Christmas and all the gifts that could fit under our Christmas tree. I recently realized, though, that the cold air and the 'idle time' during my vacation leave depressed me. It's like I finally had the time to relax, breathe, and feel what I had been denying for some time now - I am sad.

My sister found a song for me..or rather, she thought of me when she read the lyrics. So I'm sharing it here. My (current) song...

Breathe me by Sia

Help, I have done it again
I have been here many times
before
I Hurt myself again today
And, the worst part is there's no-one else
to blame

Be my friend
Hold me, wrap me up
Unfold me
I am small
I'm needy
Warm me up
And breathe me

Ouch I have lost myself again
Lost myself and I am nowhere to be
found,
Yeah I think that I might
break
Lost myself again and I feel
unsafe

Be my friend
Hold me,
wrap me up
Unfold me
I am small
I'm needy
Warm me up
And breathe me
Be my friend

Hold me,
wrap me up
Unfold me
I am small
I'm needy
Warm me up
And breathe me

Childhood Frustrations

2006-11-27T01:31:00.000+08:00

My mother said something to me once, and it stuck to me. She said, "Kaya ka ganyan ngayon kasi nung bata ka, hindi ka bata e." She was referring to my being makulit and mababaw. I was "Weee!"-ing over ice cream while clapping my hands when she said that. In my mind, I retorted, "Well, I've decided that I want to stay young at heart, what's wrong with that?"

Being the pensive me, I pondered more about my childhood. I remember being happy. But I also remember when I stopped being a child. When all of a sudden, life became unfair, sad and serious. And now, I thought about all of the things that I wanted back then, but never had. Here are some...

1. I wanted a doll house. Like other girls, I wanted my Barbie dolls to live, cook and party in pink and white houses, too.

2. I wanted to be a ballerina. I just thought how ballet-dancing was so beautiful and graceful. And of course, I wanted to wear those skin tight leotards with the fluffy skirts.

3. I wanted to be Little Miss Philippines. I thought how wonderful it would be to show-off my talents on TV, like all those little girls, with my Mom standing in the audience - mouthing the right answers to Tito Joey's questions. Every year, I'd longingly ask my Mom if it was the year that I'd join. My friends laugh their hearts out when I tell them about this. But I won't deny that I cried myself to sleep when I turned past the contest's allowed age.

4. I wanted cute girly stuff on Christmas. I envy my cousins after we've opened our gifts and I see their stockings, toy make-ups, little purses with stars on them, clips and headbands. All I got were books.

5. This may be a surprise, but I wanted to play basketball. Yes, you read it right. I wasn't all about kakikayan before 16, that's for sure (Hehe..). I grew up in a house with 3 boys as playmates - my brother and my two cousins. All they played with were matchboxes, G.I. Joes, tex and basketball. I used to watch when they played hoops. Gusto ko talagang sumali, pero...babae ako e. :-/

I had a good deal of fun as a child. And even if I wanted to go back, I know it isn't possible. Buti na lang pwedeng mangarap...malay natin, isang araw matuto rin akong mag-basketball. ;)

Unsuper-gluing myself

2006-11-16T13:28:00.000+08:00

Two nights ago, I super-glued myself. I was fixing something, and I had to use a strong adhesive. Unfortunately for me, the super glue trickled down my legs (I was slumped on the floor while I was super-gluing). I reacted pretty quickly and wiped the sticky stuff with my fingers and ran straight to the bathroom. I did what my instincts told me to do - i washed it off with water. Cold running water. I removed some, and waited for the remaining glue to dry before I peeled it off my skin. Now, if I only knew that it wasn't the right thing to do, I wouldn't have left ugly red marks on my legs and fingers.

But anyway, thanks to ehow.com, I found out the "correct way" of removing super-glue off of my skin (a good 30-mins after my bathroom scenario). And I quote the ff. instructions:

STEP 1: Do not attempt to tear or force
apart the glue. This could tear your skin.
STEP 2: Apply acetone-based nail-polish
remover to the area. The acetone breaks down the bond.
STEP 3: If there's a lot of glue on your
skin, soak the skin in nail-polish remover to dissolve the bond.
STEP 4: Clean the area with soap and water
after removing the glue.
STEP 5: If you don't have nail-polish
remover, soak the affected skin in warm, soapy water.
STEP 6: Slowly roll the skin to work apart
the bond as the warm water soaks through. Continue doing this until the skin is
free of glue.

I ran out of nail polish remover, so I still have a remembrance over this clumsiness - I have a wierd-looking dried super glue on one of my finger nails. :-/

christmas wishlist

2006-11-04T01:35:00.000+08:00

(These are top of mind things listed in the spur of the moment. Not in any particular order.)

1. laptop - I'll get this one for myself. I hope.
2. perfume - I want a new scent...something that will make me fall out of love with Clinique Happy.
3. Virgin Suicides by Jeffrey Eugenides - I heard it's a good read.
4. Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger - It's a shame, but I haven't read it.
5. name necklace ala-Carrie-Bradshaw - my tribute to Sex and the City
6. Godiva Chocolates - Mmmmm...
7. yoga mat - I miss Lara of Fitness ABS. (I lied. Haha.)
8. a new headset - Altec Lansing or Sony
9. a new iPod - i'm kidding
10. pencils - I just love 'em. :)
11. red shoes - I've been imagining outfits with an evil-red-pair for quite some time now.
12. little black dress - I wanna be Audrey Hepburn. Or dress like her.

Can't think of anything more. Perhaps a bottle of wine shall seal the list. And oh...I need reasons to drink the holidays to. Haha. Cheers! ;)

On Chocolates and Perspective

2006-10-29T12:22:00.000+08:00

I wrote this 2 nights ago:

I was supposed to be on a bus to Sagada. Instead, I'm home musing.

I felt a little sad on the way home tonight. I boarded the shuttle, but impulsively went off after 3 minutes. I went to Starbucks and got myself a Chocolate Chip Frappucino. I was hoping to uplift my spirits. Earlier today, I began a spiel on chocolates and Harry Potter with an officemate. I stopped mid-sentence, thinking he might not really be interested in chocolates and/or Harry Potter. I was supposed to make a point on how I thought J.K. Rowling was brilliant on her idea of chocolates making people better after a dementor-attack. As Wikipedia relates it, "a dementor is a soul-sucking fictional fiend" and that "Chocolate is an effective first aid to mild cases of contact. This may be because chocolate is a source of serotonin, an anti-depressant chemical."

Anyway, half-a-grande of the choco chip frap later, I wasn't sad anymore. Miracle? I don't think so. Coz I wasn't exactly jumping with joy, I was just...lightheaded. It's as if I gained a certain perspective as I sipped, texted and stared at the purple couch, all at the same time. It could've been epiphany for me, minus a person to share my thoughts with.

I would've loved a girl friend at that moment. So I tried to call up one. She's not in Makati. I texted another. She's at work ("sorry,girl,can't leave"). The other one's presumed to be busy, so I brushed her off my "possibles". I would've called on another usual coffee-mate but her office is 4 long blocks away.

I gave up on girl friends. Being "in the moment", I opted for a friend whom I've dated a couple of times. He almost always brought refreshing insights. I thought - refreshing...that's not bad for me now, is it? So what the heck, I texted him (I made up a story for the invitation be as casual as possible). And what do you know, he's in a meeting!

Bakit ba palaging ganito? Kung kelan kailangan ko ng kausap, wala silang lahat. Hindi nila kasalanan. At choice ko rin namang hindi istorbohin yung iba. Pero minsan, hay... nakakalungkot talaga.

At home, I tried to walk with my perspective. I walked to and fro on our frontyard, cigarette on hand. Puff. Step, step, step. Pause. Long stride. I did it for 10 times or so, when I noticed Chubby (our dog) was looking right at me. I sighed. I felt like he understood. The dog understood. Or maybe he was just thinking how stupid I looked.

I love him just the same. Coz he's there, when the others weren't.

my spot

2006-10-17T00:20:00.000+08:00

I don't have a spot. You know, that place you that go to - when you're sad, when you just hate the world, or when the world hates you, or when you simply want to be by yourself. Movie and tv characters almost always have one in their moments of emotional self-indulgence. I've always wanted one. I've envied the main character's serenity when she (of course now, I'm imagining a girl) reaches her spot. In my mind, she ran all the way from the comfort of her own bedroom, wanting to get away from it all. You visit the spot when you're tired. When you're lost. When you're overwhelmed. Rarely when you're happy. But it's ok... because your spot will always understand.

Sometimes, in my desire for that place, I could almost feel it around me, hugging me in a way that only it can. It encloses me, yet I am free in it. I could almost hear the scattered noise from a distance. I could almost see the colors - mixing and swirling and then fading towards the horizon.

I have one wish now: Bring me there.

Escaping sleep

2006-10-13T03:13:00.000+08:00

I have a research paper to write. In my utter laziness during crunch time, I've decided to blog. I figured this would help me express myself better. It will make me write more inspired sentences. It could unclog my mind of unwanted stress. It will free me.

Yeah, right.

Ok, I can begin my first post now. With what I really planned to write about -- nothing. I just wanted this space. For myself. Now. And the simple joys that it brings: (1) It is mine. And because it is a free cyberspace, (2) It is yours too. (3) It's better than paper (or not). Well, that's debatable. (4) It is unknown to anybody I know as of writing, and thus, is a secret. And finally, (5) I can write enough sh*t in it. (Sh*t that I might just put in my paper have I not decided not to sleep and start blogging.)

(ALT-TAB)

I should really get this research paper going.