Au revoir, Onin

I remember a conversation I had with a friend. It was about the difference between "moving on" and "moving forward". I learned how the previous has a notion of hanging on to the past, whilst the latter gives more importance to what lies ahead. I used this in this article I wrote about Onin. Because while the experience of losing a friend has become one of the darkest times in my life (right up there with when my Dad left us when I was 12), it has allowed me to see things with a new set of eyes. As I've said in the article, each moment now is precious. I drew my first resolution for 2008 as early as now: if it's important to me, I have to make time.

A toast to Onin was published on the November 1, 2007 issue of Philippine Daily Inquirer.

A toast to Onin
By Patricia Palea Orjalo
Inquirer
Last updated 06:07pm (Mla time) 11/02/2007

MANILA, Philippines--It has been more than a week since that fateful Friday, and I still hear his voice when I sleep at night. I wake up and stare at the ceiling for 10 minutes -- or is it 20? I think to myself, “I’m going to be late.” But I don’t move for another five minutes.

I stare blankly at my breakfast plate and finish my coffee in hurried gulps. I walk my usual path, listening to the usual morning sounds. I strain to hear his familiar laughter wafting through the air. I work my sadness off. I tire myself trying to drive the negativity away. Oh, and I smoke again; it seems to me that every puff brings me closer to him.

I just cannot believe that he’s gone. After all, he’s Onin. Onin who made each day at work seem like playtime. Onin who brought an extra sandwich each morning, because he knew I rarely ate breakfast before I left the house. Onin who made me laugh at the oddest times: at lunchtime while standing in line at the cafeteria, in the sleepy hours of the afternoon, and in between sobs. Onin -- who bugged us to buy Happy Meals for merienda so that he could have the free toys that he would bring home to his 4-year-old son.

He loved his family so much. His stories were always about his little one, or his Mommy and Daddy, or his brother, or one of his cousins. He always put them first on his list of priorities. His plans were always tailored to what would be best for them.

I was in denial for a long time. From the moment I got the first text message, to the anxious hours of searching for him at the Makati Medical Center and Ospital ng Makati, up until the night I looked at him inside the coffin, I could not accept the painful reality that my good friend had departed. But then again, who would have thought that a person so full of life and who gave so much would go ahead of us?

All of Onin’s friends and loved ones were distraught. A dark cloud hovered over the Vidamo residence on the first night of the wake. Mass was said with everyone present in tears. It started with discreet sniffs and burst out in loud wails of anger, grief and despair. The priest did not bother to stop the ceremony to comfort the family members. He let them be.

“Life is a mystery, and I do not have answers,” he said in his homily. For me, that was the best that anybody could do: to let Onin’s family give free expression to the mixed emotions they were feeling. To let them deal with all of these together is to respect them. It is like saying that you feel for them, but you cannot truly comprehend how difficult this tragedy must be for them.

Unfair. That’s what it is. Not only to Onin’s family, but to all those who lost their loved ones in that explosion in Glorietta 2 last Oct. 19. My heart goes out even to those who have been scarred by the blast, not only in the physical sense, but deep inside where the marks last forever.

Absurd. That’s what the heartless perpetrators did. That is, if the tragedy was another act of terrorism, a bombing plotted to make us all cower.

Polluted by politics. That’s what the whole investigation seems to me. And having Madame President visiting the mall just days after the incident and waving to the press was not cute at all.

I remember the last time Onin and I talked. He had invited me to have a few drinks. I promised we’d go out during my break from my grad school classes. Little did I know that I would not have the chance to fulfill that promise.

Onin’s death made me pause in a way that my busy life would not have allowed. It’s such a cliché, but I realize that life is short, indeed. Each moment, precious. So, I know I have to move forward.

I’m done with crying. Aside from the fact that I’ve cried my eyes out in one weekend, I can hear Onin telling me, “Ayusin mo nga ’yang mukha mo (Why don’t you fix your face?).” That was what he always told me every time I cried.

So, Onin, I am speaking for all the people whose lives you’ve touched: Thank you, ’pare. I raise my glass to you, for the joys you brought to our hearts and the life that you so generously shared. You’ve inspired us all. Cheers.

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Au revoir is goodbye in French. But when we dissect the expression, "voir" being "to see", it actually means "see you again".

Murphy's Law

In one of my 1st classes this semester, my professor quoted Murphy's Law in her last slide. Her slide said, "If something will go wrong, it will go wrong." A classmate raised his hand and corrected her - "Ma'am, hindi ba dapat 'can' yung una? 'If something can go wrong, it will go wrong'?" The professor frowned at the projected slide and said, "Does it matter?"

And they went on with a short debacle that ended with Ma'am saying "Whatever, I'm not an English major!"

At that time, probably because I couldn't wait to get out of my seat after 85 slides, I couldn't care less what Murphy said. But in my mind I sided with my classmate.

I Googled it (define:Murphy's Law), and voila, here's the top result from www.crfonline.org/orc/glossary/m.html:

"If something can go wrong, it will go wrong."

Does it matter? Well, if you are talking to a roomful of opinionated professionals, it most probably does.

Halalan 2007

It is twelve days to Election Day, and yet I haven't done my shortlist of candidates (the one I promsied to write a month ago). I have picked senatorial candidates in my mind, and I am convincing myself that - yes, these are the people I trust to make laws for my beloved country.

A year in graduate school has taught me to think within a context and to evaluate using a framework. Doing otherwise results in shitty papers, believe me. Anyway, I thought of applying the same in choosing my candidates, and hence, this set of criteria:

Track record
A person, to be credible and trustworthy - of a community, a city, or a country, must have a consistent track record. I refuse to use the term clean to describe a politician's track record, because in this country, I am quite convinced that nobody has one.

Consistency is somewhat equivalent to integrity. To be able to hold on to and to stand up for one's ideals and principles in the face of criticisms is a mark of a respectable man. It could be as simple as giving free textbooks to high school students when he/she said in his/her campaign that he/she "will give textbooks to high school students." Or it could be something as debatable as sticking to his/her opinion of the fall of the Estrada administration in 2001. We have to able to hold someone responsible and accountable for his/her word.

The morality of one's track record is subject to one's own set of beliefs, and thus is considered to be out of context in this entry. And hey, the objective here is to make a list, not to cross out names in 10's.

Competence
Someone running for public office ought to have a good CV, as he/she can be considered to be applying for a job: a job that puts him/her in power at that. Thus, he/she is expected to have a good educational background and a relevant working experience. A person running for senate must have an adequate understanding of the law and must be an advocate of what is right and just (now if that doesn't make you cross out Chavit's name - lintek wala akong kamag-anak o kaibigan na iniisip siyang iboto! WALA! - then you're probably out of your mind or just really really stupid). A person running for a local government position must know his/her area of responsibilty - the Strengths, Weaknesses, Opportunities and Threats of the place, its primary needs, and its people - to be able to serve the community more effeciently.

Advocacy
A candidate must have his/her platform organized and prioritized according to his/her advocacy. This is where a political party could be of help to voters. Members of a political party must agree on important issues and must think and act according to their set of principles. But in this country, where a political party is simply a collection of individuals who stay together (as much as possible) during the campaign period for logistics and financial support, voters ought to be more critical of each candidate's cause. This goes back to competence, as a candidate must have the capability to carry out his/her advocacies.

Approach
This simply refers to a candidate's strategy and paradigm (i.e.,way of thinking). I am looking for people with a fresh approach. They don't necessarily have to offer something new, but they ought to have the audacity to break free from the usual hulabaloo of Philippine politics. It is about time for us to demand our leaders to be direct, to deliver and to be proactive.

I usually say to my friends "wag kang magrereklamo kung hindi ka naman bumoto." To vote is both a right and a responsibilty. So I appeal: Vote on May 14. You owe it to your country. You owe it to yourself. You owe it to your future.

Know more about your candidates through their podcast interviews: http://newsinfo.inquirer.net/podcasts/

What part of NO didn't you understand?

I have this theory that (some) men (and women) are born with the difficulty of understanding what "No" means. That, or they are just very persistent. It could also be that they are not really listening, and simply want to have things their way.

Well, if you're in for some harsh truth, welcome to Rejection 101.

1. What does "No" mean?
According to Merriam-Webster, "No" can be defined as a noun - "a negative vote or decision" or for the purposes of this entry, it could also be an adverb - "not so -- used to express negation, dissent, denial, or refusal".

2. Could it mean something else?
This is a trick question. As I cannot speak for everybody, I shall answer this in the simplest and most honest way that I know: Yes, but not all the time. You see, the key is having what we refer to as "a little sensitivity".
If you know the person you're dealing with, or at least have established the basics of getting-to-know (a friend, a teamate at work, a neighbor), then you ought to know when the person might mean something else when he/she says "No." Otherwise, take enough time to know and just rely on what is given to you. If the answer is No, then it most probably means No (please refer to no.1).

3. Say what you mean, and mean what you say.
Now, this is not as easy as it may seem. What we could do is to make sure that we're in the same context as the person we're talking to. Again, that's not a piece of cake (especially when you're dealing with people who don't have a clue themselves). But whoever said this was easy, right?

4. Take things as they are.
If No.3 is about giving, this is more for the receiving end. Simplify your life. Don't read too much into things. (And now,I wonder: pano na yung mga "what if" sessions natin? Hahaha.)

5. Clarify, if you wish.
It is okay to ask when things are unclear to you. But remember: once is enough, twice is a shame, thrice is a crime.

6. Know when to stop.
Like in any goal-oriented activity, you should set a sort of deadline for yourself. Time is gold, as they say, and it is upto you to use/waste on waiting, moping, or fooling around.

7. Everything's in black-and-white (You wish).
There will always be gray areas in life. Some say that these are where the excitement comes from - the idea of not knowing. But I believe that discovering is much more fun than guessing. Choose your adventure wisely.

8. Learn to accept.
Acceptance, for me, is the enactment of humility. As only those who are humble enough are able to accept, without questions if (humanly) possible.

9. Grow up.
This could be the summary of this whole entry. People who are "mature enough" would know better than to blame everybody except themselves when they are rejected. Something painful or difficult as rejection could serve as a lesson. Maybe something better will come for you. Prepare for it. Do better next time.

10. Move on.
As cliche as it may seem: Rejection is not the end of the world. Don't dwell on negative things too much. They will only drive you crazy. I reiterate the last part of No.9: Maybe something better will come for you. Prepare for it. Do better next time.

Critical Uncertainties

I am quite caught in the foresighting exercise that we're doing (cramming actually) for our Strategic Technology Planning class. Here, we are tasked to discuss the plausible scenarios for our assigned industry - Amusement Parks (Weeeeeeeeee!). We're through identifying predictable variables and critical uncertainties that will affect/influence the development of amusement parks. Sa wakas, natapos din ang pagaagam-agam tungkol sa lintik na Impact vs. Uncertainty matrix. Darn, that was a loooooooooooong discussion.

(Note: The ff. conversation is not a verbatim transcription.)
Kuya edmund: Mali ito e..mali itong graph. Dapat i-multiply natin yung impact at uncertainty para makuha natin yung value.

Vaj: Oo nga, mali yung graph. Kasi if you'll look at this variable....(malditang chinita tries to follow, looks at the graph and searches the text for description of variables)

Chickboy rogel: Nalilito nga rin ako e. Dapat ba unahin yan o yung pag-eliminate?

Ayie: Oo nga noh, kung mag-eliminate na lang muna para konti na lang yung lalagyan ng impact and uncertainty. Pero wait, anong basis ng elimination? Dapat yung impact and uncertainty.

malditang chinita: E kung baliktarin na lang kaya natin? (All looked at me as if I were some idiot.)

I was referring to the matrix, by the way - to measure certainty instead of uncertainty. Whatever. Blah, blah, blah.

This happened after a 5-hour meeting for another group's project (Marketing Plan), 2 hours of isaw+fishballs+tambay, and 3 hours of foresight discussion over latte. So I am entitled to a weird remark or two. Or maybe, as Vaj has said "It could be the coffee talking."

Now I am inclined to identify my own critical uncertainties:
- Will we finish our projects on time?
- Will we get our well-deserved 1.0?
- Will I survive the next 2 weeks of sleepless nights reading, cramming, and writing?
- Will I finish TM in "flying colors" as I have declared over lunch yesterday?
- Will the Boracay trip with the girls push through? (Sana, sana, sana. Kahit December. Haha.)
- Will Richard Gomez win the senatorial elections? (God forbid.)
- Will Melinda Doolittle win American Idol? (Yes, please.)
- Will I fall in love again? (Ah..eh..busy ako eh. :-P)
- Magkakatuluyan ba sina Jackie at Ely/ Celine at JB sa Maging Sino Ka Man? (Shucks di na ko nakakanood. Yuck, baduyness.)

Mga tanong na walang sagot. Or, as I have learned, wala pang sagot pero pwedeng meron. Basta ganun. Hay...patience is a virtue.