Shrek the Third

Surprise of all surprises - the latest sequel of Shrek bored me. My friend and I tried to count the number of times we yawned inside the cold, dark theater. Guess what, we actually lost count! But we did remember the few times we laughed out loud.

Mine are as follows (in increasing laughter intensity):

1. Prince Charming and Pinocchio exchange [as seen in the trailer]

Prince Charming: You! You can't lie! Where is Shrek?

Pinocchio: Well, uh, I don't know where he's not.

Prince Charming: You don't know where Shrek is?

Pinocchio: On the contrary,

Prince Charming: So you do know where he is!

Pinocchio: I'm possibly more or less not definitely rejecting the idea that I undeniably

Prince Charming: Stop It!

Pinocchio: Do or do not know where he shouldn't probably be. If that indeed wasn't where he isn't!

2. When Snow White suddenly turned into an angry warrior princess towards the end (with matching sounds and running animals-gone-wild).

3. When "That's What Friends Are For" was played during Shrek and Artie's conversation.

Shrek the Third lacked the freshness of its first two movies. It offered the same old style, where yucky is supposed to be funny and Donkey is a witty overconfident talking animal. Oh, and let's not forget Puss in Boots' begging eyes - made me go 'Aww..' in Shrek 2, but failed to deliver this time. And don't get me started on Justin Timberlake's voice for his character Artie. I mean, if you didn't know it was him, you'd wonder who the high-pitched teenager was. You could argue that Artie is a teenager in the movie, but come on...none of my guy friends sounded like that in high school (except maybe for the, uh, not-so-straight ones). A line or two of Sexy Back (to any of the princesses) would've made me forgive JT, but well, maybe that's veering away from the plot. I guess we're not seeing a Fourth on the horizon.

Long Walk

A month ago, Kurt Vonnegut, author of classic novels such as Slaughterhouse-Five and Cat’s Cradle, died at 84. It's such a shame that I only know of him by one of his short stories. One, which does not even fall under his popular genres of science fiction and philosophy. It's a love story. I am posting it here, as a tribute to him.

Long Walk to Forever
by Kurt Vonnegut

They had grown up next door to each other, on the fringe of acity, near fields and woods and orchards, within sight of alovely bell tower that belonged to a school for the blind.
Now they were twenty, had not seen each other for nearly a year. There had always been playful, comfortable warmth between them, but never any talk of love.
His name was Newt. Her name was Catharine. In the early afternoon, Newt knocked on Catharine's front door. Catharine came to the door. She was carrying a fat, glossy magazine she had been reading.The magazine was devoted entirely to brides. "Newt!" she said. She was surprised to see him.
"Could you come for a walk?" he said. He was a shy person, even with Catharine. He covered his shyness by speaking absently as though what really concerned him were faraway--as though he were a secret agent pausing briefly on a mission between beautiful, distant,and sinister points. This manner of speaking had always been Newt's style, even in matters thatconcerned him desperately.
"A walk?" said Catharine.
"One foot in front of the other," said Newt, "through leaves, over bridges---"
"I had no idea you were in town," she said.
"Just this minute got in," he said.
"Still in the Army, I see," she said.
"Seven months more to go," he said. He was a private first class in the Artillery. His uniformwas rumpled. His shoes were dusty. He needed a shave. He held out his hand for the magazine."Let's see the pretty book," he said.
She gave it to him. "I'm getting married, Newt," she said.
"I know," he said. "Let's go for a walk."
"I'm awfully busy, Newt," she said. "The wedding is only a week away."
"If we go for a walk," he said, "it will make you rosy. It will make you a rosy bride." He turned the pages of the magazine. "A rosy bride like her--like her--like her," he said, showingher rosy brides.
Catharine turned rosy, thinking about rosy brides.
"That will be my present to Henry Stewart Chasens," said Newt. "By taking you for a walk,I'll be giving him a rosy bride."
"You know his name?" she said.
"Mother wrote," he said. "From Pittsburgh?"
"Yes," she said. "You'd like him."
"Maybe," he said.
"Can--can you come to the wedding, Newt?" she said.
"That I doubt," he said.
"Your furlough isn't for long enough?" she said.
"Furlough?" said Newt. He was studying a two page ad for flat silver. "I'm not on furlough,"he said.
"Oh?" she said.
"I'm what they call A.W.O.L.," said Newt.
"Oh, Newt! You're not!" she said.
"Sure I am," he said, still looking at the magazine.
"Why, Newt?" she said.
"I had to find out what your silver pattern is," he said. He read names of silver patterns from the magazine. Albemarle? Heather?" he said. "Legend? Rambler Rose?" He looked up, smiled. "I plan to give you and your husband a spoon," he said.
"Newt, Newt--tell me really," she said.
"I want to go for a walk," he said.
She wrung her hands in sisterly anguish. "Oh, Newt--you're fooling me about being A.W.O.L.," she said.
Newt imitated a police siren softly, and raised his eyebrows.
"Where--where from?"
"Fort Bragg," he said.
"North Carolina?" she said.
"That's right," he said. "Near Fayetteville--where Scarlet O'Hara went to school."
"How did you get here, Newt?" she said.
He raised his thumb, jerked it in a hitchhike gesture. "Two days," he said.
"Does your mother know?" she said.
"I didn't come to see my mother," he told her.
"Who did you come to see?" she said.
"You," he said.
"Why me?" she said.
"Because I love you," he said. "Now can we take a walk?" he said. "One foot in front of the other--through leaves, over bridges--"
They were taking the walk now, were in a woods with a brown-leaf floor.
Catharine was angry and rattled, close to tears. "Newt," she said, "this is absolutely crazy."
"How so?" said Newt.
"What a crazy time to tell me you love me," she said. "You never talked that way before."She stopped walking. "Let's keep walking," he said.
"No," she said. "So far, no farther. I shouldn't have come out with you at all," she said.
"You did," he said.
"To get you out of the house," she said. "If somebody walked in and heard you talking to me that way, a week before the wedding--"
"What would they think?" he said.
"They'd think you were crazy," she said.
"Why?" he said
Catharine took a deep breath, made a speech. "Let me say that I'm deeply honored by this crazy thing you've done," she said. "I can't believe you're really A.W.O.L., but maybe you are. Ican't believe you really love me, but maybe you do. But--"
"I do," said Newt.
"Well, I'm deeply honored," said Catharine, "and I'm very fond of you as a friend, Newt,extremely fond--but it's just too late." She took a step away from him. "You've never even kissed me," she said, and she protected herself with her hands. "I don't mean you should do it now. I justmean that this is all so unexpected. I haven't got the remotest idea of how to respond."
"Just walk some more," he said. "Have a nice time."
They started walking again.
"How did you expect me to react?" she said.
"How would I know what to expect?" he said. "I've never done anything like this before."
Did you think I would throw myself into your arms?" she said.
"Maybe," he said.
"I'm sorry to disappoint you," she said.
"I'm not disappointed," he said. "I wasn't counting on it. This is very nice, just walking."
Catharine stopped again. "You know what happens next?" she said.
"Nope," he said.
"We shake hands," she said. "We shake hands and part friends," she said. "That's what happens next."
Newt nodded. "All right," he said. "Remember me from time to time. Remember how muchI loved you." Involuntarily, Catharine burst into tears. She turned her back to Newt, looked into the infinate colonnade of the woods.
"What does that mean?" said Newt.
"Rage!" said Catharine. She clenched her hands. "You have no right--"
"I had to find out," he said.
"If I'd loved you," she said, "I would have let you know before now."
"You would?" he said.
"Yes," she said. She faced him, looked up at him, her face quite red. "You would have known," she said.
"How?" he said.
"You would have seen it," she said. "Women aren't very clever at hiding it."
Newt looked closely at Catharine's face now. To her consternation, she realized that what she had said was true, that a woman couldn't hide love. Newt was seeing love now. And he did what he had to do. He kissed her. "You're hell to get along with!" she said when Newt let her go.
"I am?" said Newt.
"You shouldn't have done that," she said.
"You didn't like it?" he said.
"What did you expect," she said--"wild, adandoned passion?"
"I keep telling you," he said," I never know what's going to happen next."
"We say good-by," she said. He frowned slightly. "All right," he said.
She made another speech. "I'm not sorry we kissed," she said. "That was sweet. We should have kissed, we've been so close. I'll always remember you , Newt, and good luck."
"You too," he said.
"Thirty days," he said.
"What?" she said.
"Thirty days in the stockade," he said--"that's what one kiss will cost me."
"I--I'm sorry," she said, "but I didn't ask you to go A.W.O.L."
"I know," he said.
"You certainly don't deserve any hero's reward for doing something as foolish as that," she said.
"Must be nice to be a hero," said Newt. "Is Henry Stewart Chasens a hero?"
"He might be, if he got the chance," said Catharine. She noted uneasily that they had begun to walk again. The farewell had been forgotten.
"You really love him?" he said.
"Certainly I love him!" she said hotly. "I wouldn't marry him if I didn't love him!"
"What's good about him?" said Newt.
"Honestly!" she cried, stopping again. "Do you have any idea how offensive you're being? Many, many, many things are good about Henry! Yes," she said, "and many, many, many things are probably bad, too. But that isn't any of your business. I love Henry, and I don't have to arguehis merits with you!"
"Sorry," said Newt.
"Honestly!" said Catharine.
Newt kissed her again. He kissed her again because she wanted him to.
They were now in a large orchard.
"How did we get so far from home, Newt?" said Catharine.
"One foot in front of the other--through leaves, over bridges," said Newt.
"They add up--the steps," she said.
Bells rang in the tower of the school for the blind nearby.
"School for the blind," said Newt.
"School for the blind," said Catharine. She shook her head in drowsy wonder. "I've got to go back now," she said.
"Say good-by," said Newt.
"Every time I do," said Catharine, "I seem to get kissed."
Newt sat down on the close-cropped grass under an apple tree. "Sit down," he said.
"No," she said.
"I won't touch you," he said.
"I don't believe you," she said.
She sat down under another tree, twenty feet away from him. She closed her eyes.
"Dream of Henry Stewart Chasens," he said.
"What?" she said.
"Dream of your wonderful husband-to-be," he said.
"All right, I will," she said. She closed her eyes tighter, caught glimpses of her husband-to-be.
Newt yawned. The bees were humming in the trees, and Catharine almost fell asleep. When she opened her eyes she saw that Newt really was asleep. He began to snore softly. Catharine let him sleep for an hour, and while he slept she adored him with all her heart. The shadows of the apple trees grew to the east. The bells in the tower of the school for the blind rang again.
"*chick-a-dee-dee-dee*," went a chickadee.
Somewhere far away an automobile started nagged and failed, nagged and failed, fell still.
Catharine came out from under her tree, knelt by Newt.
"Newt?" she said.
"H'm?" he said. He opened his eyes.
"Late," she said.
"Hello, Catharine," he said.
"Hello, Newt," she said.
"I love you," he said.
"I know," she said.
"Too late," he said.
"Too late," she said.
He stood, stretched groaningly. "A very nice walk," he said.
"I thought so," she said.
"Part company here?" he said.
"Where will you go?" she said.
"Hitch into town, turn myself in," he said.
"Good luck," she said.
"You too," he said. "Marry me, Catharine?"
"No," she said.
He smiled, stared at her hard for a moment, then walked away quickly.
Catharine watched him grow smaller in the long perspective of shadows and trees, knew that if he stopped and turned now, if he called to her, she would run to him. She would have no choice.
Newt did stop. He did turn. He did call. "Catharine," he called.
She ran to him, put her arms aroud him, could not speak.

hilariously blunt

I saw this on Tinnerts' blog. I found it really funny, so I'm reposting it here.

(Tin is, of course, from Accenture.)

Halalan 2007

It is twelve days to Election Day, and yet I haven't done my shortlist of candidates (the one I promsied to write a month ago). I have picked senatorial candidates in my mind, and I am convincing myself that - yes, these are the people I trust to make laws for my beloved country.

A year in graduate school has taught me to think within a context and to evaluate using a framework. Doing otherwise results in shitty papers, believe me. Anyway, I thought of applying the same in choosing my candidates, and hence, this set of criteria:

Track record
A person, to be credible and trustworthy - of a community, a city, or a country, must have a consistent track record. I refuse to use the term clean to describe a politician's track record, because in this country, I am quite convinced that nobody has one.

Consistency is somewhat equivalent to integrity. To be able to hold on to and to stand up for one's ideals and principles in the face of criticisms is a mark of a respectable man. It could be as simple as giving free textbooks to high school students when he/she said in his/her campaign that he/she "will give textbooks to high school students." Or it could be something as debatable as sticking to his/her opinion of the fall of the Estrada administration in 2001. We have to able to hold someone responsible and accountable for his/her word.

The morality of one's track record is subject to one's own set of beliefs, and thus is considered to be out of context in this entry. And hey, the objective here is to make a list, not to cross out names in 10's.

Competence
Someone running for public office ought to have a good CV, as he/she can be considered to be applying for a job: a job that puts him/her in power at that. Thus, he/she is expected to have a good educational background and a relevant working experience. A person running for senate must have an adequate understanding of the law and must be an advocate of what is right and just (now if that doesn't make you cross out Chavit's name - lintek wala akong kamag-anak o kaibigan na iniisip siyang iboto! WALA! - then you're probably out of your mind or just really really stupid). A person running for a local government position must know his/her area of responsibilty - the Strengths, Weaknesses, Opportunities and Threats of the place, its primary needs, and its people - to be able to serve the community more effeciently.

Advocacy
A candidate must have his/her platform organized and prioritized according to his/her advocacy. This is where a political party could be of help to voters. Members of a political party must agree on important issues and must think and act according to their set of principles. But in this country, where a political party is simply a collection of individuals who stay together (as much as possible) during the campaign period for logistics and financial support, voters ought to be more critical of each candidate's cause. This goes back to competence, as a candidate must have the capability to carry out his/her advocacies.

Approach
This simply refers to a candidate's strategy and paradigm (i.e.,way of thinking). I am looking for people with a fresh approach. They don't necessarily have to offer something new, but they ought to have the audacity to break free from the usual hulabaloo of Philippine politics. It is about time for us to demand our leaders to be direct, to deliver and to be proactive.

I usually say to my friends "wag kang magrereklamo kung hindi ka naman bumoto." To vote is both a right and a responsibilty. So I appeal: Vote on May 14. You owe it to your country. You owe it to yourself. You owe it to your future.

Know more about your candidates through their podcast interviews: http://newsinfo.inquirer.net/podcasts/